Before I turn in tonight, I’m reading this delicious book entitled, Healing Through the Dark Emotions. I can’t wait to share more. The good news is: I innately do much of what the author suggests already! However, there is always room to learn more. It’s beautifully written. I’m just about halfway through and I’m excited about it. More to come….
I’ll be gifting it to a few people.
Taking stock of yourself and others by reminding yourself what these words literally mean:
Naivety: having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, orinformation; credulous
Manipulation: to negotiate, control, or influence something or someone skillfully, or deviously
Dishonesty: lack of honesty; a disposition to lie, cheat, or steal
Consequence: the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier
Trust: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
Morals: of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical: moral attitudes
Ethics: that branch of philosophydealing with values relating to human conduct, with respect tothe rightness and wrongness of certain actions and to thegoodness and badness of the motives and ends of such actions
Conscience: the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls orinhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual
Empathy: the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing ofthe feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another
Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who isstricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire toalleviate the suffering
Kindness: benignity, benevolence, humanity, generosity, charity,sympathy, compassion, tenderness.
Agression: the practice of making assaults or attacks; offensive action ingeneral
Warmth: the quality of being intimate and attached
Love: Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotionalregard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kindsof regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward Godor toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard offriends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc.
Insecure: subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: aninsecure person
Confident: having or showing certainty in oneself
Obstinate: characterized by inflexible persistence or an unyielding attitude;inflexibly persisted in or carried out
Flexible: susceptible of modification or adaptation; adaptable
Forthright: going straight to the point; frank; direct; outspoken
Safe: secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk
Caring: to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard
True: being in accordance with the actual state or conditions;conforming to reality or fact
When it comes to style and clothing, I just can’t seem to find anything that appeals to me. I wanted a fitted shirt yesterday and I couldn’t find ONE fucking shirt that didn’t have tiny cap sleeves or a crew neck, or even a collared shirt that was fitted!
WTF? Am I relegated to tee shirts and jeans my whole life? It actually crosses my mind to dress more “mature” for myself, but what does that mean? I can’t wear flowing floral sheer or unnatural fabrics, and big swingy, drapy shit.. it’s really unattractive!
I had to go into the Gap and found myself, once again, buying a gingham collared “farmer brown” shirt, a white tee shirt that SUCKS because the sleeves are so short, and the neck band is so different from the weight of the shirt fabric and stupid looking, and a striped hoody pull over. Seriously! Is this all I am going to be able to buy for the rest of my life? Who is designing all these flowy stupid ass long shirts? UM, EVERYONE without an imagination— who wants everyone to look like they stepped out of a JC Penny catalog- or shopped at Walmart… Ready to Wear is a MESS! JCrew and Gap make all their clothing too boxy, Banana, same, but corporate-y. Even couture designers are dropping the ball.
It was super irritating! Just makes me realize that I should make tees and EVERYTHING ELSE.. AGAIN. Tees that are NOT tissue thin, that have differing length sleeves, different lengths of LENGTH (on the bottom), cool colors, and necklines that actually mirror the weight of the fabric instead of big bands of stupidness!
I cannot stand to look at ANOTHER ill fitted tee shaped like a tent! This tee is by Alternative, supposedly a decent tee shirt company! Could their product be any uglier? It seems to be the order of the day… do all women want overly long tee shirts with corny detailing? Too short, too long sleeves, ill fitting?
Is it me or are all these ridiculously ugly as well? That is a link to Nordstrom, tops or blouses or whatever you call shirts these days! I am totally flipping out! Why are people accepting this and calling it “fashion”? And if you’d like to be ripped off blind, here is an ugly ordinary shirt, the kind I am complaining about for $670! holy shit..
Designers! Listen up, there is such a thing as lycra infused cotton and micro fibers that move with the body, USE YOUR IMAGINATION and come up with something forward thinking, with details that screams style, fit, and the ability to move in it! I know you can tell, I HAVE HAD IT! SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE STAT!
I was at a ladies night out event last night in Rye, NY at Coveleigh Country Club and EVERY woman in there was BORING. No one stood out, NO ONE had incredible cool style, and everyone looked stale, outdated and absolutely DULL from head to toe. This is a wake up call for me… the world needs cool, understated, fitted, bad ass attire… NOW…
I fkin love this guy… jasper p.
Now these French women look cool. They aren’t all smelly with perfume, with done up hair, they have a manish, tomboy style that I guess will and must remain my main look, because it is way sexier than a mini dress and high heels any day of the week… like the housewives show! Their style is ATROCIOUS- and embarrassing!
The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. ~Arthur Schopenhauer
After experiencing some major losses in my life: my father, my brother, my best friend, my grandmother, grandfather, another very close friend, and my 15 and a half year old dog, I feel like I have been through hell and can honestly give some good advice. Grief affects your mental capacity to make sound decisions. This link connects to a blog that explains everything clearly. Here is an excerpt from it that I relate to:
Even if you can push past your apathy on occasion, you are likely to find that your ability to think is greatly diminished. It is normal to be confused and not be able to focus on things. You might feel like you are in a fog and just cannot think clearly. Mental capacity following a death is reduced – plain and simple. There is not a lot to be done about it and no sense of making it worse by beating yourself up for not being able to function at your usual level. You have a bad injury and your brain is affected – recovery will happen but it will take some time.
So, grief is reflected in our feelings and it impairs our mental processes – is there more? You bet. Grief affects every aspect of our being – no part of our life escapes the suffering that comes with a death.
My friends and family have been unconditionally supportive through this trying time for me. It’s been harrowing to say the least. As I search on google for support for my grieving, I realize that two great losses, not so far apart can really send you on a tailspin of hurt- which I have felt for some time now.
You must be gentle and patient with yourself, and not try to escape those feelings by doing things you wouldn’t normally do, in your right frame of mind.
“You think you are doing OK and then out of nowhere, the dark clouds hover once more. Grief needs to talk, to cry and to remember. Decide which relatives and friends will truly listen to your grief. Develop a support system of people who will be there for you when you have the need to pour your heart out.
During this time of sorrow, you may not have the energy or desire to deal with new people or situations. It is not uncommon to wait six months to a year after the death of a loved one to seek professional help, but experience has taught us that there is much to be gained from support. At the very least, you can get information now for later use.”
This is very important as you can turn to people who aren’t supportive, and from what I know, many people in times of great stress, and grief make poor decisions about who and how they spend their time because you are so desperate to escape your reality.
This is an excerpt from an article on pet loss:
Yup. Many people (especially ones without dogs) don’t understand that dog lovers experience real, strong grief when they lose their dogs. They may give their condolences upon first hearing of your loss, but may not realize that you continue to be in pain as time goes on, and wonder why you are still crying, irritable, or otherwise ‘not yourself’ as time passes. You may wonder, yourself, whether you are going crazy. Here are some cognitive symptoms of grief, from J. Shep Jeffrey’s book, “Helping Grieving People” (2007, Kindle Locations 1462-1480):
- Responding sluggishly to questions
- Difficulty concentrating
- Loss of interest in usual activities—work, sports, games, collecting, social clubs,
- General numbness—shutdown of reactions to social stimuli, no pain, and no joy
- Intrusive thoughts about the loss—constant barrage of thoughts
- Confusion and disorientation—difficulty with time sequences, location
- A sense of futility about life—”What’s the use?” and “Why bother?”
- A sense of helplessness—”Can’t do anything to help myself”
- Uncertainty about identity—”Who am I now?” and “How do I present myself to others now?”
- So-called “crazy” thoughts—hearing or seeing the lost loved one; feeling like they can communicate with them
- Mental fatigue—too tired to figure things out, mind just won’t work
Things I experienced over and over again, pacing from room to room not knowing what to do with myself as I spent so much time caring for my pet.
A panicky, anxious feeling accompanies the sadness and helplessness and makes it hard, if not impossible, to carry out daily tasks. You may find yourself wandering aimlessly around a room picking up objects without thinking or pacing in agitation with the thought, “I can’t live like this.” You may avoid activities that brought you pleasure before, particularly those that remind you of your loved one.
Since I had a compound loss within a short period of time, my brother and my dog, I was told by a psychologist that the grief over my brother and dog combined was a reactivation of all the loss, which was debilitating.
I am glad to report that by making changes and being sure I am around people who love and care about me, I am doing much better. Grieving is a confusing, and horrible experience. You operate at 50% best case scenario, and me, I operated on less. Devastated, broken and more sad than I ever felt resulted in me not being able to see clearly. I will keep my trusted long time companion family and friends close, as they are ever so loving and understanding of the pain, and staying far from others until I am able to make better choices is the way of my future.
Thank you to all my compatriots who have given unconditional support, kindness and tirelessly listened to my Roxie stories, and me questioning so much about myself and life! I am grateful beyond measure.
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
― Fred Rogers