Assistant Clinical Professor: Harvard Medical School, Humanist and Award-Winning Author.

Are you one of those people who have been looking for love in all the wrong places? Or perhaps you are someone who has found love, only to find that it fizzles out faster than a lit match in the spring rain? Have you genuinely tried your best to leave behind your pattern of unfulfilling relationships, only to find that you keep on going back to them, again and again?

Dr. Srini Pillay will spend an evening with us to unravel the mysteries of love and help us make wiser more informed choices about the loving relationships in our lives. He will address the following questions with cutting-edge scientific answers:

1. Why do so many people look for love in all the wrong places? What can you do about this?
2. Why you end up doing all the wrong things in love despite your best intentions? How can you change this?
3. Why does loving someone else require that you love yourself first? How can you achieve without the hype of a contemporary tabloid?
4. Why do you repeat your destructive patterns of falling in love? How can you escape these patterns?
5. Why does love become so boring so quickly? What can you do to lead a more sustainable fulfilling romantic life?

Join us for a special evening as Dr. Pillay shares how brain science elucidates five common challenges in romantic relationships, and how this science can help us lead more fulfilling lives. He writes frequently for Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and has been interviewed on this subject by Oprah Radio, Martha Stewart Whole Living, NPR and Fox News.

Dr. Srini Pillay is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, invited faculty at Harvard Business School and an internationally-regarded expert on stress, anxiety and the way in which they impact our lives and relationships. He has written three books including the award-winning Life Unlocked: 7 Revolutionary Lessons to Overcome Fear. He is a featured voice on 33voices.com, an online forum featuring visionary thinkers who are helping to reshape our world. Dr. Pillay is also CEO of the NeuroBusiness Group, a company focused on enhancing social intelligence in companies.

To Register: http://www.theacademioflife.com/srinivas_pillay.php

Dr. Pillay will be available for a book-signing following the conversation. Books will be available for purchase at the event.

Love makes us happier but also more miserable than anything else’

I sprang from a  lineage of very strong women figures in my life. My mother, who was beautiful, worked hard as a single mother to provide for us and unyielding in her beliefs. My grandmother, who at 80 years old was chopping her own wood and lived alone on a large piece of property with a shotgun next to her bed up until the day she died.  My grandmother was a tough old bird, a naturalist and not too forthcoming with her feelings, but she was a farmer, a survivor and wasn’t afraid to be alone. 

On top of that influence, I had a huge physical father of 6 feet 4, a hardworking carpenter, philosopher, woodsman who was unyielding in his personal standards. From a very young age he drilled into my psyche, “take no shit Sandra.” It was always the way he ended his letters to me, his phone conversations and his over all philosophy in life. He drove a power wagon truck which signified his physicality and his belief system.

I always appreciated the traditional value system he stayed loyal to his entire life. I always admired my mother’s ability to ensure we had what we needed. I have admiration and love for my parents because in them bore me a person always striving to be strong. I would rather be too strong, than weak.

This post is dedicated to Jackie and Nicole- for I see in them a strength I RESPECT and admire.

My morning selection of music today was comprised of: Woman of the World, by Aerosmith and lots of New Order. With each new song, I became more clear about my message. I am greatly disappointed in women’s behavior in how they relate to men. The only reason I can imagine a man feeling free enough to disrespect someone who clearly communicates to them who they are is the direct result of all the women that came before her. They set the bar so fucking low for all others that men get used to “skating by” and doing very little to honor thy woman. So many woman tie up all their worth in their physical appearance, or in sex. This is disturbing to me. Women spend so little time getting to know themselves because they keep jumping from one relationship to another, and conforming to who it is they think will hold that man for the longest possible time. They are also withstanding shitty behavior, selfish sex, and therefore chipping away at their sense of self worth. They stay out of desperation, for all the wrong reasons. They are dishonored, ignored, and most of the time, don’t command any RESPECT.

Too many women are walking around acting dumb, giving it all away, in the name of desperation and neediness. I don’t care who you are, when you go home after having slept with someone, telling yourself, “I just took what was mine.” You are lying. I don’t care who you are as a man, unless you are a complete psychopath with no heart, you can’t feel good about using a total stranger because you are too lazy to masturbate. It is a moral crime to be out there inflicting yourself on others, hunting pitifully for your next victim and women YOU ALLOW it by lowering yourselves because you are so desperate as a result of staying in a loveless marriage for so long, or because you tie up your self worth in your physical body instead of your soul.

This vicious circle will continue as a result of lost souls,  and weak human beings who don’t have enough sense of self to walk away from a situation where you know you are about to feel like shit about yourself. There are tons of scenes in comedies where the men state, “come on this room is rife with insecure  women with no self esteem and we are about to get laid.” I wish I could remember the movie I am referring to. Isn’t it sad that a man would even want to tangle with someone with such low self worth? Isn’t it sad that women have become so desperate that they set the bar low for the strong woman?

Strong women are so few and far between that when a man who has been used to such low standards happens across one, they almost run because they know they are going to be held responsible for their lowly behavior. A weak woman will let a man run all over her, allow herself to lumped into all the shit that came before her, and accept the proverbial punch in the face repeatedly, all in the name of not loving her self enough to walk away.

I ask you, what kind of man would want to hold onto someone like that?  The answer: The man with no confidence. The man who doesn’t wish to grow and become the honorable man he could be, should be.   The kind of man who would continually make himself and others around him proud is the man that would command my respect, hands down.

There are a few male characters written that convey this type of strength: Spartacus,

So tell me, is the life of conquests — two weak souls inflicting pain on one another noble? Is that really living your life fully? Does it feel good? Seems that the wheel of the weak goes round and round- repetitively- repeating unproductive weak patterns, treating one another and themselves shittily- WHY? Because they never bothered to GROW, to spend time on themselves. Getting to know themselves, working on themselves, and therefore allow others to assault their gross behavior, feeding it back and forth- in the WEAK CIRCLE of shame and disgust.

Seems that most of the world operates such as this, and the more women lower themselves, the worse they make it for everyone. Men need to be held to higher standards of behavior, and if I should encounter it, I blame all the others that came before me because the man obviously got away with that lowly behavior and made the grave mistake of trying it out on me. God help that poor sucker who belies me because back at them will come 100 fold power of everything they did before me to those poor weaker souls.

Women, be strong enough to walk away from behavior that creates in you less than stellar feelings. Heed the signs. Stop falling prey to “cute guys” and keep putting up with SHIT because you are attracted to them, and you are never attracted to anyone. Do yourself a favor, pick up your proverbial sword, bow and arrow, or whatever your mental arsenal consists of and walk away. It will take about 6 of us to school the men who believe it is ok to dishonor someone- then they MIGHT get it and then we can be assured that there will be more great men out there. We need to teach them what is acceptable and what isn’t. The long you stay the more you poison that person and allow them to keep taking and do a lot less giving.

We may be able to have them all trained by 2020, if only you would have enough self esteem to walk away and DEMAND respect. And know that any man willing to let you walk away and to not rise to the occassion is NOT A MAN that is worth ANYTHING at all. They have no self respect, no confidence, and no ability to be noble. There are men out there who dig a strong, sensible woman who asks for what she wants, they have been walked out on by a strong woman. They know. They are hard to find because woman keep lowering themselves and their standards in the name of DESPERATION.

Let a man get to know you, YOU KNOW YOU, and see how much fun it can be having a wonderful relationship based upon discipline, fun, and taking your time.  Wholesome is where it’s at, you have plenty of time to go elsewhere, but honor yourself, and the other person by having enough respect to see them as a person, not a receptacle for your past pain. Do fun things, talk into the night under the stars on a blanket, play some great music, go bowling, eat great food, share your mind with someone, before your body. Your body is your soul and be careful about who you choose to  intertwine your energy with– it is sacred and it is a gift. Everyone slow down, and be appreciated for YOUR mind, your thoughts, your vulnerabilities. Expose your self- it’s much less compromising than “exposing yourself” and humiliating your worth.

 The Noble Man

True noble masculinity or the concept of the noble man or nobleman is one that embraces the masculine. He is a man who does not need the validation of the feminine but understands that the feminine is naturally enthralled by a man who is living for a higher purpose and goal. The noble man is one that understands and is brought to new heights of living by the dance between the two poles of masculine and feminine.

Possessing unequaled social intelligence, he studies human behavior because he knows that everyday and every interaction is a chance to expand and learn about people and to leave every person and every interaction at a higher level. His confidence and social acumen allows him to find what is special in every person and to relate to them and reward them.

The noble man approaches the feeling of fear as a sure sign that he must overcome it, not through reckless abandon but through concerted, concentrated effort knowing that beyond fear is another level of achievement and enlightenment.

He is in control of his sexuality because he understands that women of quality, respect and instinctively understand that a man in control of his sexuality is a man of almost unequaled power and attraction. This does not mean restricted sexuality, it means an awareness and ability to harness this power both for physical sexuality of unparalled passion but also for its use in creative expression.

In summary this website will explore and provide a place for men who sense that the power in being a man is not one to be ashamed of as society portrays it, but one of noble power, immense responsibility, and one that shows the way to true happiness and achievement.

If I could teach every woman something, this is it. Very simple, Know Your Worth…

http://nobleman.wordpress.com/what-is-a-noble-man/

Outer Effects of Inner Self-Confidence

Don’t ever be lonely, learn to love your own company, do not fear being alone, for it teaches you about your self

Don’t ever be tempted to stay in a relationship without total and honest communication

Be a superhero for your SELF

Don’t be afraid of confrontation- for it will reveal what lies hidden

Don’t let other’s pain and mistrust guide you

Don’t become jaded because you have learned that someone else wasn’t honest

Honor Thy Self

Unfortunately, the world isn’t used to people who are true to themselves. They like to label them self-righteous and angry because very few people have sat down and embraced and understood their power, so take the time to do it, please, for your self and the betterment of the world.

Stick to your standards because one day, when  you least expect it, you will hear, “smile, you’re on candid camera, and all this was a big fucking joke- the world isn’t full of weak people..

I walk around my crib as a super hero, playing tunes, being strong, and serving up some bad ass.. one day, a fellow bad ass will pop into my life- love my power and understand he is about to get on a very wild ride of self respect, introspection, fun and total passion. I won’t meet that man until the woman before me COMMAND and DEMAND RESPECT. so please, ladies STEP YOUR SHIT UP. I don’t have forever. For men won’t be so surprised by my strength if others possess it.

Nicole Asher, Tireless Animal Advocate, Interior Designer

Nicole volunteers endless hours to rescue lost animals that aren’t hers. She gets the news through the various networks she is involved in and goes out and tirelessly searches for lost animals. She found a Burnese Mountain dog after she was let go in this area by her owners after 4 months! She also is currently working on finding Andy the adorable 11 year old Corgi who spooked because of New Year’s Eve fireworks, and has been on the hunt ever since. Recently, as in YESTERDAY, she was instrumental in finding a dog missing since 2010! Her interior design (Asher Interiors) expertise is incredible! She works in mostly simple, elegant neutrals with unexpected pops of raw natural elements. Her design work is fresh, innovative and inspires a healthy lifestyle. Oh, and she is incredibly well versed in healthy, alternative treatment of dog ailments and has two very special yellow labs. I keep trying to convince her to blog about her rescue efforts and to give advice on dogs and natural health! I will convince her yet! She has been incredible in helping me treat my 14.5 year old pug’s cancer.

Randi Levine, writer, comedian, philosopher, and great friend.

Randi Hope Levine is one of the funniest, supportive, most talented, kind and philosophical people I know. She is always giving people a million chances because she is built like that. She can sing, dance, write and most importantly laugh and make me laugh all the time. She is tough beyond belief and courageous. She focuses on the good in people and always comes out on top. She will grace the world with some aspect of her talent, we just have to wait and see….

Rebecca Dolber, Designer, Writer, Philosopher, Naturalist

Rebecca Dolber is one of the most interesting and stylish people I have met. She is a great jewelry designer, writer and observer of life. Rebecca gives the world a chance to express themselves through accessories.  Her company R.E.D., is a “message” and allows the consumer to select what they wish to express to the world. Rebecca expresses to the world naturally through her chosen simple yet hip attire, healthy vegetarian existence and generous writing for Elmore Magazine ,by interviewing some of her most favorite artists. She is living her dream of artist, writer and lover of nature and life.

Janet Ettele, Writer, Pianist, and Buddhist

Janet Ettele is the author of How Generosity Works; The Intention to Benefit Others. Her book is the first in a series called How Life Works. We are all anxiously awaiting the next book in the series. She creates real life characters that convey simple Buddhist teachings which we can all benefit from. She illustrates how simple acts can make such a difference in other’s lives. She is also a pianist and a book keeper. She is one of my peeps. I love conversing with her because we always touch on something profound. She is an up and coming author. Her book is a quick study and enjoyable read. It is a must buy gift for people you care about.

Jane Cowels, artist, writer, tax attorney

Jane Cowles is a sensitive, kind artistic person who is intentionally aware of the environment. She has created a company called Coco Notes which sells her original artwork on seeded tree free paper that are plant-able and will bloom into beautiful ever-lasting greenery. She also writes a blog dedicated to be elegantly green, Ms. Coco Van Der Chic. Check her out!

Buy her book here: https://wendyida.com/book/

Wendy Ida is NOT your ordinary grandmother. In fact, she looks better than most of the 20-somethings on your block! Find out how you can get this fit over 40 in Take Back Your Life! Wendy Ida’s No Nonsense Approach to Health, Fitness & Looking Good Naked! This guide reveals all the secrets of a 59 year old, award-winning top fitness pro (and yes, grandmother!), Wendy Ida (ee’da).

http://wendyida.com/

http://www.coastalclassiccreations.com/index.php?option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=150

http://www.honeybeegardens.com/category/natural-cosmetics.html

http://www.cargocosmetics.com/products/face/wet-dry-foundation

http://www.bizzintino.com/

http://www.starflower.com/

Relationships are a lot of work. Often times, people instill too much in others, as in expectations, too much importance and triggers are activated because our first experiences with  ”love” come from our parents. It’s not uncommon that we confuse our personal love relationships with our parental “love” relationships. This is detrimental on so many levels.

1. Our unfinished emotions come into play by our perception of how our parents showed love to one another, and to us.

2. We place undo responsibility on our partner to be our “caretaker” or our sense of safety.

What do these mean exactly? When we select our partner, we automatically create unrealistic expecatations from the relationship. Often times the relationship manifests itself as a means with which to project our fears onto our partner. We want them to make us feel safe, happy, and to conform to our standards of what we feel is acceptable in terms of success. When in reality, all those feelings of fear and insecurity are continuously projected onto your partner. This happens when we start pointing fingers at the other person and question their career choices, state of happiness, or if we expect them to behave a certain way.

The only characteristic essential for a flourishing relationship is unconditional love. We are all separate human beings with different interests, talents and independent ways of asserting ourselves in the world. These characteristics are make us “inherently us.”  What makes up a person is character, integrity, boundaries and being able to identify our acceptable standards of behavior- for us, personally. Without all these definable qualities, we don’t exist. There has to be things we won’t do, will do, are comfortable doing, and want to accomplish. If we hold ourselves to a belief system that we are firm with we retain our self respect and we also separate ourselves from others- separate not in a spiritual sense, because ancient wisdom teaches us that separation is what causes unrest. I mean separate as in being an individual with a solid set of standards with which they adhere to, therefore substiantiating their existence, energy and personality.

We must leave our parents home in terms of our personal relationships and stop projecting onto our partners the fears we have as a result of our perception of whether or not we were loved adquately, or if our parents created an unsafe environment. Your partner is NOT YOUR PARENT. They are your lover, your soul mate, your boyfriend or girlfriend possessing their own qualities of being.

Everyone’s job in a relationship is to love unconditionally, if you can’t, you don’t belong in a relationship. You cannot handle the responsibility if you cannot separate your past experience with love enough to see this other person as they are and accept them fully as who they are.
Nothing suffocates a love relationship faster than:

feeling the need to be the boss of your partner

feeling like you must control them

feeling that you must teach them about life

feeling that you are responsible for their security, happiness, or making big decisions for them

feeling that you need to change them

Self reliance is paramount when entering in a union with someone else whereby a committment is made. You make a committment to accept them as they are, period. When a relationship is formed based upon need, financial care, and fear, 9 times out of 10 it won’t work. If it does work, it will end eventually because there will be resentment, feeling jailed, and quite often affairs of the heart with someone else.

It is called a romantic relationship for a reason. I believe that a relationship can remain passionate, romantic and exciting, if both parties go in without being co-dependant, without unrealistic expectations and without needing to be “taken care of.” It’s enough to have to survive on your own, without having to worry about making sure your partner is taken care of. If you have children, and the wife’s or husband’s job is to stay at home and that is agreed upon, that is entirely different. I am simply referring to romantic unions with a committment without children and not being married.

Romantic relationships, like children, are a lot of work. They require time, understanding, a lot of misunderstandings, and often times, strife. There doesn’t have to be a lot of strife and if it is happening a lot, you have to sit down and think about what is going wrong.

Take out a piece of paper and note all the things you love about your partner and if they are all external qualities, you better do some self reflection. The only thing that matters is how they treat you, make you feel, and how well they support your emotional being. People often select a partner based upon attraction alone and will put up with a lot of nonsense because they find themselves physically stimulated. This physical attraction will not survive being treated poorly and it may for an amount of time, but your self respect will dwindle. It’s important to select someone who has your back, who loves you in good times and bad times, and who accepts you as you are, and vice versa. You must have the same core values, and be headed in the same direction.

You know the old saying, “show me a hot girl, and i’ll show you someone tired of sleeping with them.” I don’t believe this is because it gets old, I believe it is because all these external factors keep interfering with the relationship. Too much reliance on the other person to feel alright is the main problem. You must feel alright before you enter into a relationship with the responsibility of committment. You can’t make the other person your mommy, your daddy, your therapist, your rock, your main reason for happiness. All these things must come from inside you, and you bring YOU to the relationship fully intact. Self responsibility before relationship responsibility is a must.

If you are seeking someone because you are lonely, learn to be happily alone before you do. If you are seeking someone because you need sex, pleasure your self. If you are seeking someone because everyone will think you are unlovable and undesireable- you care too much about what other people think. If you are seeking someone because they are good looking and have these external “looking good on paper qualities”, you care way too much about what other people think. The bottom line is that THIS IS YOUR LIFE. You need to be loyal to YOU, and you are here for a reason, and that is to learn to be happy, fulfilled and to function at a level whereby you can live with yourself and your decisions. END OF STORY.

You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and to sleep soundly at night and if there is a pang in your stomach, listen to your intution and do what you need to do for you, even if it is to leave your ILLUSION OF SECURITY that this other person supposedly GIVES YOU. You cannot SELL OUT your ability to be truly adored, valued, loved by staying with someone who you inherently know isn’t giving back to you what you give to them. I am not suggesting you give with expectations of something in return, because that never works. Each and every time you will be disappointed if you give with expecatations- expectations set you up for misery, depression, addiction and a whole lot of other problems. Perhaps I should phrase it as so: If you don’t feel like a fucking superstar in the other person’s presence, get the hell out. If you are the constantly the target of their self projection as they assault their unhappiness onto you whereby they are asking  you what your plans are for the future, saying, “don’t you want more”, etc. you better think twice about their ability to accept you as their lover and not their child or parent.

We all have parents, we don’t need another one in our relationship. We need to be free to be ourselves, do as we wish, say as we wish as long as we are not intentionally trying to hurt the other person with lashing out, or violence. We need to remain people before we do a “couple.” You cannot lose yourself and your interests when in a relationship because ultimately, if that person ever goes away, you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of heart ache, fear and potentially being heartbroken way too long. Life isn’t forever, we don’t have an infinite amount of time with which to become our happiest and peaceful selves. According to Buddha, peace only happens when we focus on ourselves, and what we need to accomplish for growth. I know the only time I suffer needlessly is when I begin to think about what I wish I had from others, either money, love, attention, or whatever it is that I can give myself. Think on that.

When I focus on me, and being productive, and being kind, without expecting anything in return is truly amazing, and brings me infinite peace. We spend so much of our lives complaining about our partners to others because they have taken this job, or said this or like that, or this music or this activity. We all need to let one another be who we are and love each other for it, and not try to change one another. We all have our own lessons to learn and will learn at our own speed. It’s not up to us to destroy other’s dreams by our own interpretation of whether or not it is attainable for the other person. They will learn if it is or not. We are not to project our fear onto them or our limiting beliefs. Their life presents them with lessons to be learned at their own pace just as yours does.

More freedom is needed for healthy relationships. Freedom to be me, freedom to be you, and we meet in the middle by thoroughly enjoying them for who they are and they enjoy you for who you are. Let people make their own mistakes, and also don’t give unsolicited advice. Always ask if you can give your opinion or if they are interested in your opinion. Otherwise, zip it, have fun and enjoy the other. Stop confusing, stop creating projects, and have great inspiring conversation whereby you both share your thoughts about things, and let there be differences in opinions! There is nothing more boring or nauseating than a controlling person! There is nothing more insane then your partner acting as your parent or manager. These things will kill romance, love and the ability to be truly attracted enough to them to want to have a sexual relationship. If you are participating in a relationship currently where these things are happening and you are still having sex, it won’t last. I guarantee it.

So sorry for the sporadic stream of conscious writing style but this isn’t a magazine and I am not pretending to be a super organized writer. I simply feel inspired to share with you these thoughts.

Dr. Henry Grayson's New Book- Coming out Early 2012!

In our earliest most developmental stages of childhood we are in a highly suggestible trance due to the abundance of time spent in uncontrollable theta brain wave patterns. These same wave patterns, while deeply relaxed are used to hypnotize and program suggestions.

We are downloading other’s negative thought patterns and beliefs around us by default and these are imprinted in our limbic system creating patterns of behavior and belief systems that we have no control over. These negative imprints combined with accumulated traumas, which also create negative self beliefs,  overload our immune system and set us up for greater chances for chronic illness, unhappiness, and often life threatening disease.

Through decades of research, teaching, and client work, Dr. Grayson has created a synergistic therapy system which combines new scientific research, psychoanalysis, ancient wisdom, quantum physics, spiritual thought and kinesiology that has been working wonders in his private practice.  Is it the success of his patients, and in training other mental health professionals that created this empowering “how to” manual to allow you to stop being a spectator in your life of illness and unhappiness to realize your unlimited potential to heal!

In his enthusiastic and yet comprehensive explanations, he takes you on an exciting journey to change your perspective and teaches you healing methods with downloadable video demonstrations, and printable pdf files for your step-by-step use to transform your thinking and greatly lessen your chances for debilitating illness.

You will receive clear guidance on how to recognize, identify and eliminate your unconscious barriers that block you from total health, healing and happiness.

Use Your Body to Heal Your Mind is an essential manual for anyone who wants to take control of their health, or continue to have abundant health, and for those who wish to be pro-active in the process of eliminating the chances of creating disease. Once you understand that you really do have infinite potential to position your self for total health, happiness and healing, your life becomes much more endurable and enjoyable.

GET READY, This book is FASCINATING!

I am a firm believer in at least watching two episodes of a series on cable. More than likely you will “get it” after the second show. I was reluctant to continue to journey into Enlightened, but I am glad I did. I’ve now caught up to the current schedule and have found it to be Six Feet Under “dark”, The Big C, funny, and thought provoking too. 

Since “Amy” is on a path of enlightenment, it is interesting to see how a series will convey spirituality and the reaction of others to someone who is fully trying to embrace the better part of her being.  Laura Dern created this show with Mike White and they are definitely onto something. I like hearing the thoughts in “Amy’s” head. They are realistic, and make me realize that everyone can relate to her character which was a  revelation, after experiencing her “crazy” in the first four episodes.  She begins to become more bearable as the show goes on.

Amy’s ex husband is played by Luke Wilson, who doesn’t love a little LUKE? Her ex, is drug addicted, cute and sort of stagnant and they have a lot of love between them. You wonder, drug addicted because of all the heartbreak in their past, or always that way.

Her mom is played by Diane Ladd and Amy’s mother is disappointly jaded and non communicative, BUT does have a minute of shine- exactly ONE MINUTE, once in a blue moon. 

I say, WATCH IT! I am into it now. There are some funny situations, characters, and some inspiring dialogue. After-all, it is about someone actually “Waking Up.”  I like that is on cable because it brings the edge necessary to be realistic.

—oh and Robin Wright was a guest star on one. She is pretty cool in my book…

R.E.D.

One of my absolute most favorite people on the planet, Rebecca Dolber, makes jewelry. It’s not  fluffy, ordinary stuff that every- day girls wear. It is earthy, aware, and worldly. She travels extensively globally to obtain eclectic little charms, beads, and little details that make her pieces distinctly original.

When you see her at craft shows, her tent is always bustling with people thinking, deciding, trying on and creating their own pieces that Rebecca puts together right before their eyes.

The Grove Stand at a Craft Show

What is wonderful about this process is that it involves two people. The artisan, Rebecca, and the client, who picks out precisely what they want. Rebecca artfully puts it together so it makes sense aesthetically and the client loves it because it reflects who they are.

Notice the message- the word- "evolve"

The charms and add ables are in the hundreds- and the dog tags, which I personally love and have bought for personal friends, because you can imprint a word that is meaningful to you and wear it as a reminder of who you are or who you want to be.

me and my arrow...

Thing is … She is ethereal, earthy, honest, raw and such a kind person. She has an ability to reach deep inside of you, if she chooses, and brings out the quiter, easier parts of who you already are and make you think just a little bit more.  She is comfortable in her skin, lovely, and so easy to be around. Rebecca is the true meaning of “Indie.” She is an independent spirit who lives life on her terms, much like I do, and I write this because I wear a piece of her, and a piece of me everyday, as I reach for my bracelets, necklaces or ring. I am reminded of what a gentle, uplifting and poetic spirit she truly is and how I wish to be and am in this life time.

 go here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/thegrovestand - you will be glad you did.

my personal daily wear... from R.E.D. The Grove Stand

message....blue...

Last night Jackie was over sewing and we had the craft room television on and it happened to be on a show about plastic surgery gone wild. We both were agape with awe and disgust. Why is it that in 2011 women are still deforming themselves all for the attention of men? They don’t do it for themselves! They get procedures that are classicly barbie doll-esque so that men as a whole will find them “irresistible.” I don’t know about you, but I get totally grossed out when “noer do well” men (meaning mean, uninspired, drunk, angry, etc) check me out and oogle me. If I had it my way, only kind, well attired, intellectual and funny men would look my way. (ha ha ha)  I feel skeeved to have eyes on me, which is why I don’t wear provocative clothing– it’s also because I have no desire to have men look at me “that way”. I’d much rather sift through the dirt and find that one diamond who will find my mind irresistible because they are the ones who stick around for the “long haul”.  It is incredibly sad to me that women in this day and age and supposed PROGRESSION are still are so fucking insecure and fall prey to MEDIA MANUFACTURED media standards of beauty!

What is beauty?: health, kindness, peace of mind, curiosity, humor, being loving, and completely comfortable about who you are. and of course KNOWING WHO YOU ARE- a STRONG SENSE OF SELF IS BEAUTIFUL beyond measure.

I feel so sad for women in Hollywood that feel the pressure to keep deforming themselves in order to “keep that man” or to “get that part”. What a sad life they live indeed. The whole time they spend exercising, dieting, nipping, tucking, injecting, extending, coloring, and changing their external instead of developing their internal. And more than likely, this external attention they prioritize will bring them the wrong guy or the wrong attention anyway. By wrong, I mean men or people who only value what someone looks like instead of who they are. I know I am making a sweeping generalization here, but you get my point.

More women need to write screenplays featuring characters of all colors, sizes and ages, whereby a story of value is illustrated- the human condition- and inspiring! Women need to write for women, because most men will write stories featuring actors and actresses who are in their 20s, which is TOTALLY HILARIOUS because people that age rarely contend with the issues presented in the screenplay in real life! When is art going to reflect reality? Please give me some reality so I can put things into proper perspective….

All these thoughts swimming around in my mind made me come to a real conclusion- There needs to be better female role models who are featured in the media! It needs to be better than actresses on every magazine with stories about fledgling relationships, cheating and their new bodies. old bodies and new men! I feel so entirely insulted that these magazines are targeted toward women!

And women keep buying them, keeping themselves down and ”paying”  the very people who prey on them and their insecurities making them monetarily RICH and themselves self esteem poor. 

America is in a state of disarray, where I see people continue to stay mired in victim-hood, they are uninspired, lazy, and are focused on all the wrong things! They are focused on other people instead of them SELVES. The Occupy Wall Street is a great example of what is truly wrong with America! People expend energy on highlighting others “perceived wrong” instead of elevating themselves to new heights for achievement! I don’t know what has gone wrong here, but the tables need to be turned, BIG TIME.

You see, I am a Republican (I usually don’t talk politics because it is divisive) but I am going to try to explain why I choose this party. I choose it because I BELIEVE IN PEOPLE! I am an OPTIMIST at large. I believe people can rise and become better because I know I have. I have done the work on myself whereby I know I am a good person who works hard, has values and derives my self esteem from my personal accomplishments and helping others. I also derive it from being peaceful and feeling uncomfortable with “fighting.” Everyone should feel uncomfortable with fighting, arguing and ill intent. It is entirely not enjoyable nor normal  to seek  revenge, make people feel bad, and to assert yourself in this world with a force that creates bad energy for yourself or others. It’s down right weird to fight or to feel that you must create dischord to “get what you need or want”. I find the less you expend, the more comes your way, in terms of universal fulfillment. Because you see, the more you deem “not important” the more it becomes NOT IMPORTANT. While I know this is a simple statement, but if you really read it slowly, you will see how powerful it is. My motto, from Karen Salmonsohn, from www.notsalmon.comis LET GO OR BE DRAGGED. Isn’t it truly simple? Ok, I digress, don’t hate me for believing in people, believing in their ability to love themselves, work and be productive. Don’t hate me for believing people should work for what they have because it creates value. Everything I work for, I value.

I also believe in assisting others within reason whereby it doesn’t interfere with personal goals. I have, for a long time, over-helped people to the point of putting myself on hold, but that no longer happens. I find myself becoming a bit uncomfortable sometimes when I must step back in order to listen to my needs and respond, but I do it anyway, and it’s been great for me.  I love to be of service, but it can’t be to the detriment of my progression, happiness, and impede my schedule, health, comfort, and goals that I must achieve to survive and succeed.

Of course, I digressed because I am always thinking about a billion plus things… but back to ROLE MODELS! As I sit here attempting to come up with some seriously cool, smart women that I can look up to, sadly, I cannot. I don’t know enough about any of the entrepreneurs, inventors and writers personally to tout them, PLUS- I CANNOT THINK OF ONE AT THE TOP OF MY HEAD because they ARE NEVER FEATURED IN ANYWHERE TOTALLY MAINSTREAM! If no one else finds this COMPLETELY ALARMING- well then, America should just throw in the towel, which they are doing already because everyone is throwing their arms up and saying ” I GIVE UP.” I give up on my America and just want to blame others for my misfortune.

I am determined to include some WOMEN ROLE MODELS IN AN UPCOMING POST, unfortunately, it’s going to take some deep digging, and research- isn’t that a SHAME? Shouldn’t I be able to raggle off like 5 or 6 that are regularly featured in mainstream media!? I need to identify women who are cool, aren’t afraid to be “them selves”, and don’t dress solely for MEN’s admiration. GOD! How hard will that be to find? I can think of one I admire, Gwen Stefani- cause she has her own style- has a cute husband, is an artist, entrepreneur, doesn’t get into trouble with drugs, problems, etc.

I feel very strongly that young girls and women need better role models, doesn’t mean that they can’t be glamourous, like Gwen Stefani, just means that their focus needs to be on self development, not external development such as tit jobs, makeup, slutty clothing, etc.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH– help! what is an intellectual like me to do?