Detox Your Life: A great self affirmation meditation is included, A self hypnosis guide, and the author is Glenn Harrold!

Change Your Life: A series of writings about spiritual acceleration, speed learning, self development, planning your future, attitude, etc.

Silva Meditations: Includes a Good Morning Meditation, Good Night Meditation, Energy Booster Meditation, Centering Exercise

Spiritual Healing: Includes Journey Into the Soul, Healing Meditation, and information on Quantum Jumping (The American Monk)

Inner Wisdom:Includes a mediation for Inner Wisdom, A self hypnosis EBook, and a connection to download a bunch of other specialized apps according to what you desire to work on personally within yourself like: Instant Sleep, Deep Relaxation, Lose Weight, Instant Flying. It also includes IPad Apps for Exercise, Super Self Confidence Hypnosis, Lose Weight Now, Sleep Well Tonight, Think Positively, etc.

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I did a couple meditations last night as I layed down  in bed ready to fall asleep. I slept very well. If you think about it, your body is always in response mode to situations forced upon you through life. Your body breaks down with stress. Stress is completely unavoidable unless you can train your response system. You cannot train your response system without first doing the work on your self.

Our body needs real rest which recharges us. Some of us never truly relax and or never settle into a total state of full body relaxation without the use of a substance. That isn’t helping the body necessarily because your liver has to filter the substance, and it is a false sense of total relaxation.

Mediation is like turning the body OFF for a little while. Checking out, if you will and sending messages to your cells, organs and mind. It is a great way to reprogram your self for peace, change and success. It isn’t boring to be peaceful, as it allows you to totally consume life and experience things in a fuller sense because you are calmer and you can process information better. You miss less, and your brain is more efficient.

It is very difficult to really meditate and sometimes it can take years to quiet your mind completely. It is a discipline that isn’t convenient. Before, I had to put a cd in my computer, down load it to Itunes, then load it on my ipod, then listen to it. Too many steps! With iPhone applications, you can download these programs quickly, take them with you, and use it through out the day! The recordings are of great quality as well!

Each time you meditate you are training your self to be better, calmer, smarter, more confident and are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and less apt to fall prey to DIS-EASE. With every year of regular daily meditation, you take one physical year off your appearance.

We all think we have no time, or things aren’t convenient or fast enough. We have become a lazy society whereby getting impatient if our Internet connection isn’t lightening fast. You need to slow your self down to really experience things and to know your self and how you are feeling in your body and mind. It isn’t asking too much of your self to put on your ear buds, and listen to a meditation as you lay in bed and let it sink into your unconscious.

It is a far way more productive way to spend time then to hang on the phone listening to someone else’s problems, which we all get stuck doing. I even can be the one talking about something too! So make the switch. Talk less and meditate more. See what your life experience becomes and how it changes you.

Commit to your self and your health, mental and physical. Become the best person you can be. Life becomes much sweeter when you pay attention to YOU more than OTHERS. Because after all it is ONLY YOU that can CREATE the LIFE you WANT and DESIRE! I don’t know about you, but I know I want to spend my time feeling relaxed, confident and laughing. Being Light and Airy, and content and not dependent on others for my self worth.

I love the fact that in every store they play pandora or sattelite, and every song reminds me of the 80s, one of my favorite era in terms of music! Why is it that all these bands are ringing so 80s? So “New Order-esque”, etc? I love it, makes me feel super light and happy to be alive. Music is all important, it is the background to my “movie” (life).

Honestly, I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life these last 5 months! What can I attribute it to? I wonder… Nothing in particular but a great attitude. I used to say to Dr. Grayson, “How can someone be spiritual all the time? Won’t they be totally boring?” He would say, “No Sandra, it always feels good.” I am understanding more and more of what he is saying! Spiritual = Happy. Spiritual = a great outlook on life. I guess I do have all my needs met. I have people I can count on, I have a safe, and fun place to live (alone is key!), and I am excited all the time about being creative, although I don’t have time to execute all the ideas in my head, I am constantly thinking about sharing my ideas and visions. I love how my unconditional love for others makes me feel so alive and happy, even if it isn’t returned! Big lesson here, even if you hold love in your heart for someone and they don’t exactly express it back, focus on how loving makes you feel! It feels sooooo good!

Yesterday the simple act of sleeping late to re-charge my body, then strolling down Main Street in Westport to grab some sustenance was totally enjoyable! The simplest things amaze and thrill me. I must have been emitting some seriously charged energy because everyone who passed said “hello” and at Oscar’s where I got my food on, they were super flirty and chatty! I got THE BEST sandwich EVER as well.

My friend Janet told me that her 88 year old mother visited from Hawaii and showed me pictures of her. She is so beautiful at 88. Janet said she is very happy and notices simple things. She said her mom mentioned the cool pattern that the telephone cord made! HA HA HA. Janet then said, “It’s almost like she is tripping all the time.” I laughed and said wow, I notice little things all the time. I hope it translates to total beauty inside and out forever for me too!

I am so grateful to be alive and to feel inspired, motivated, pleased, peaceful and to be learning all the time! Yesterday, my friend said to me that he felt I judged him. I had no idea! We discovered that it meant that he felt criticized. I told him that it is imperative that he call me out on it immediately when it is happening so that I know what he is talking about. This is an important lesson for me to learn! I think if we grow up with a critical eye, we can emulate it unknowingly and it becomes part of how we communicate our thoughts about others to others. I like to point out things I see in others and I appreciate it when they do the same for me. However, some people feel differently and it is important that we are mindful of how we come off to that person, especially if we care about them.

I told him that I felt I did it because I care about him so much. He didn’t understand and thought that was a crazy thing to say. I tried to explain that I must be pointing things out because I want him to be better, or that I care. But in the grand scheme of things, I can see it from his point of view clearly. It isn’t my place to point things out, it is better for me to just “be” in his presence and not worry about whether or not his behavior is productive or not. That is a big lesson for all of us to learn.

We must all stop trying to describe other’s behavior to them and just accept it. It is who they are. Even if we feel it is unproductive, it is not our place to determine that, ever. They are having their experience and we must allow them to. We must abstain from our vision and opinion about others because we truly never ever know if we are correct in our assumptions. It is also a big waste of our personal time. We should be focused on ourselves and what makes us happy.

Such a simple thing, is yet so profound. I am excited to be awakened to this aspect of myself and to change it! Afterall, the most exciting part about life  is our ability to wake up and be conscious, be different, and to form new habits.  My new habit will be to stop examining so much and just experience what is in front of me and accept it, surrender to it and to enjoy it for it’s difference from me.

I believe if one is confident, definition: A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance. The state or quality of being certain. (and has a healthy dose of) Self Esteem: a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself. shit can be downright awesome!

These three words (confidence, and self esteem) define my being, my sole/soul goal in life. Why is it that human beings can be so uncomfortable around someone who clearly has a strong sense of self, of confidence and self esteem? It is so rare that people have these qualities that they get mislabeled, or make others want to knock you down a few pegs? Isn’t the goal of life to get to actually like yourself and to be self assured? Why do so many others shirk at confidence?  Why do people become uncomfortable around others who assert themselves? This is a huge mystery to me!

I know I am magnetically drawn to powerful people. I love people who have a strong sense of purpose, conviction and who know who they are! I love a person with clearly defined character and integrity. I love a woman who feels attractive and knows what she wants. I love a man who is secure enough to razzle me with humor and a loose head lock. ha ha ha.. or enjoys a self assured, smart, kind person! I love people who love themselves! I love a to be around people who know who they are and who are satisfied with where they are in life.

I get high off of confident people. I need them, I adore them, and I want to eat them up with a spoon and slurp every last word they utter. Nothing makes me happier, and more relaxed then someone who is unabashedly themselves with all their might and super confident with tons of kindness. I love people who aren’t addicted to suffering! Why do people love to stay mad and stay mired in an unhappy, dis-eased state? I love to let shit go, let it fly and enjoy my life.

I find the sublime in the ridiculous. I need humor, and curse words. I need to show off by using bad language around highly regarded people, why? because it kicks ass! I don’t take myself so seriously or others; that to me has been the secret to my total contentment these days. Many ask, what kind of man could handle me. He needs to be confident, have serious purpose, be happy with what he is doing with his life and totally secure. He needs to be able to wear crazy pants, or shoes and not give a shit. He would love the fact that I love fashion, and style, and that it is a big part of who I am inside and out. He would need to respect that I love unique-ness, wackiness, characters, and totally open people. He would have to love honesty, earthiness, and strength. Yes, STRENGTH…. and “conviction”… and compassion and passion, and has enough confidence to know that we all operate from our experience, and that everything we individually do and say is a direct reflection of who we are not who they are.

I never understood how a man would want a weak woman. I know I have heard many a people mention how “he likes a submissive one, or not too smart, or only good looking and a little dumb.” You know what I am talking about. We have all been exposed to this conversation! Why in the world would anyone want that? This is our one and only life, why in the world would we want a partner who is less than what they could be or should be? Why would we want to dominate someone else? Where is the fun in walking all over someone? I find fun in the challenges, of becoming wiser, better and wanting to be the best person I can be! Who in their right mind would purposely pick someone who doesn’t command total respect? I heard plenty of men like a weaker, meeker woman! I cannot even imagine why! How does one become a better man by hanging around mediocre?

With that, I am going to go log off now, but I will include an excerpt from a very dear, old friend’s email to me tonight that kicked major ass: (names have been changed to protect the innocent!)

“Hey SHOWSTOPPA!!! Miss ya- Jammin to Brass Monkey in the car the other day and Brian says whats so funky about a brass monkey??? He hears EVERYTHING – How is ROXY girl (co-pilot)? Lyn is going to seriously kill me. By the time she is 16 one of us will be going to jail. Paul wants kill all the partners at his firm – he HATES it there. Even with the CPA title – he still can’t find a new gig. Health wise all is good in the hood- I always think about you and am so glad to see your dreams coming true.. You are an INCREDIBLE WOMAN and did I mention you are FUCKEN CRAZY SMART- I read your blog when I get a few moments at night and – your intelligence is effortless and painfully dead ass right on. Love your honesty and by the way loved your comments last year about the Jamie Oliver show (”eat a vegetable- LMAO). I miss ya – OH fucket I am going to call you tonight. I hope it’s the same number?xoxoxo”

See that !! Girls elevating girls, that is what it is all about. Making each other feel good! Acknowledgement of one’s work, and letting one another know how proud we are of one another! Why is that so rare in this world? Why do so many people want to make others and themselves feel bad? I don’t understand it anymore. I have learned so many lessons. THANK GOD! I love you girl for writing this to me tonight. I loved it and I love you! Rock on!

Don’t you hate it when you have that moment of nostalgia? You all know what I mean, that moment when you craft that correspondence to that certain someone whom you feel a void without, but you know in your heart that you can’t send it because they are going to think you are nuts. Isn’t it weird how someone will think you are crazy because you miss them and value them? Isn’t it weird to fight or to have a relationship out there that is strained because one of the people holds a grudge? This is where I begin to wonder about relationships, people, friendships, etc. I know when I have a disagreement with someone that it doesn’t feel good and that it is a distinct communication breakdown. While we all don’t have time to nurture every single connection we make through out our lives, there are those that you know are worth fostering or at least deserving of a clearing of the air.

I know in a heated moment with anyone, I can unwind out of it in an instant, and know that the strife that exists between me and the other person is utterly ridiculous and never worth the pain to remain in that negative space. So even in the middle of a disagreement or in a perceived moment of triggers, I know enough to wind out of it and make it go away. I also know that this is hard to do for most people, but it should be quite easy.

The only person you hurt while holding a grudge is yourself. I learned that a long time ago. Thankfully, I am not addicted to suffering like most human beings and I am grateful that I realize that each time I have a negative thought or experience that I am doing damage to my health, others, and assisting my ability to create DISEASE. If everyone would realize that being unforgiving is like holding a gun to your head and playing Russian roulette, perhaps they would change their ways and the world would be a more peaceful place.

Why is it that people are so attached to their suffering that they want to remain mired in negative thoughts about someone else? That is the big question and the big mystery of life. Dr. Grayson talked at the Fairfield Public Library on the 25th and described so many ways to recognize and eliminate bad feelings in relationships. He also spoke about how to remove traumas from your body so that you can being to live a more happy and productive life!  One of the most challenging issues in life is to leave your issues aside when relating with others and try to operate from a clean slate. It is nuts how people can use their own issues to create a false feeling of negativity when none was intended in the first place. It is commonplace for people to sometimes want to inflict pain and suffering on others, and that is always the result of how that person feels about themselves. IT NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU! We are all in control of how we hear, see and feel. Others are always asserting their pain when a negative situation arises. It is up to us to assume this and to be able to untangle ourselves from the pain and realize we HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. It is commonplace for us to entangle in it and respond to it in kind and create even more of a mess NEEDLESSLY.

I just don’t want to do that. I have reached a point in my life whereby I don’t enjoy pain, feeling bad, and wanting to make others feel bad. I wish everyone would reach this stage and realize that it doesn’t SUCK to NOT HATE, or to SMILE, or TO HAVE FUN, TO BE HELPFUL and to be at peace. I hope I am communicating correctly the importance of realizing that when someone is a pain in the ass, THEY ARE IN PAIN- PERIOD. END OF STORY.

There are people who can annoy us, and I know how that feels. It is important to just depart ways temporarily until you become un-annoyed by them and you can repair your attitude as well. I keep hyper awareness alive at my own complaining, and I try to do it quickly and get it out when I need to , and let it go. I can no longer participate in a continuous conversation of complaints. It just wastes my life, my time and hampers my health. Life is too short, there is too much to marvel at, and too much to be grateful for.

There are some women out there that really make an impression on me. They make me less fearful of growing older.  I don’t feel old, I don’t look old…OH SOCIETY, it really bogs me down sometimes… the little minds, the hyper focus on the number, AGE is a number, that is my mantra now!

It has to mean something that there is so much behind my age and that I am still Sandra Oles, the person, a legend in my own mind and I still feel cooler than shit, but sometimes I get really scared about aging  because I know inside of my body and face is still the same girl I always will be! I do believe my spirit will always come through behind my eyes, but I wonder sometimes, do I want to be “Diane Sawyer” or “Raquel Welch” ha ha ha. I don’t believe I will ever succumb to “letting myself go”.

I have come across some super inspirational women who are embrace their age and who are phenomenal in terms of keeping their style, not falling prey to societal standards, and totally DOING IT! These women are my inspiration! They have retained their edge, style and ability to to remain interesting and beautiful! They defy the norm.

Unfortunately, America’s norm for aging women are at the buffet lines in sweat pants, merrill shoes and short curly hair. America can you be any less CULTURED???!! Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps I will need to move to NYC in my golden years or even Europe where wisdom and remaining chic and not giving up REIGNS SUPREME!

I belive there needs to exist a show on a network whereby women are shown who are still making it their priority to retain themselves FOREVER.. style-wise, intellectual-wise, creative-wise… If these women don’t inspire you to NOT GIVE UP, You are truly HOPELESS!

IT IS YOUR LIFE BITCHES, it’s awesome, stay cool, stay your SELF, don’t let conservative, weird, outdated societal pressures or norms keep you from asserting yourself and who you are until you leave this planet! I AM EXCITED, I AM INSPIRED and these women are total FUCKING ROCK STARS!

Ok, let me introduce to you my faves:

#1 Lauren Ezersky, oh how totally awesome and inspiring  you are to me!! LOVE YOU!

 Yay, she is using make up .. and eye liner!! Love it. Makes me want to wear some eyes !

 Check out her mack daddy skully ring.. love it.. so ill…

# 2 Vicki Abelson, oh how I love your rock and roll style, unapologeticness for being unabashedly you. I love the way you assert literature in your “literary salon” in your Los Angeles home and look bad ass doing it! Smart, snarky, and sexy!

BOOM!

#3 Mimi Kirk, the sexiest vegetarian over 50, who is 72! She is bad assness personified. YAY! Thank god for Mimi! Mimi, thank you for being so utterly fantasticly freaking cool and beautiful !

YAH GIRL! you rock those fucking converse like it’s your job! THANK YOU MIMI!! I LOVE HER!

I love me some shows whereby the creators assist in a dork transformation. First of all let me make it clear that I consider my self a DORK of the millionth degree!

• Dorks ARE the real meaning of cool
• Dorks have a lot to teach you
• Dorks are smart
• Dorks are curious
• Dorks are good people
• Dorks have the secret to happiness, after one accepts that they are a dork and embraces it
• Dorks have the ability to be themselves unequivocally, and eventually realize that that is what makes them special
• Dorks Rock The House
• Dorks have a great vocabulary
• Dorks make hilarious jokes

Ok, now that we have that out of the way, I want you all to realize that dorks make the world go round. The whole cast of Saturday Night Live are dorks, usually the directors, the producers and the writers of great film, television and books are dorks! Dorks have ideas and have a continual need to manifest them!

The opposite of Dork is: unmotivated, no idea having, violent people who don’t care to better themselves at all. They think they are cool because they are bullies, tough guys, morons, doofus’ who don’t believe that a great education will get them anywhere. They try to emulate that “head” person in high school and don’t ever graduate from that sense of weirdness that makes them scary to be around and to experience. The non-dork would be the people who think it is cool to intimidate, scare and make you feel bad! I honestly cannot believe in this day and age that they still exist, but they do! Just turn on Bravo and watch Mob Wives. These are people stuck in 6th grade and it is so scary to me that people operate from this lower form of consciousness at an adult age!

Non dorks are also rappers trying to scare others, shoot others, and rap consistently about retarded things like banging girls, drinking booze and smoking weed. Are you kidding me? As an adult, are you really rhyming and stealing about shit like that? Remember the old days when rappers were clever, and rapped about dance moves, and having fun? They had the secret to happiness and to life- DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY YO! ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THE GANGSTER shit like you are living this life whereby you think it is COOL to abuse, scare, and hurt someone?! Oh lord. Ordinary kids who think they are too cool and who have a bad attitude cling to this shit and then try to act it out! HILARIOUS! Dorks would NEVER DO THAT because in their sheer dorkness they accept who they are and RUN WITH IT. Dorks become fashion designers, movie producers, writers and CHANGERS OF SOCIETY for the better!

Through out my life I have mentored a many young people and they will tell you today how I always told them it is POSSIBLE TO BE SMART and like METALLICA, PANTERA, RAP and Ozzie. Just don’t lose sight of the importance of being unique, and confident and totally curious! I always wanted them to understand that the “tough” kids were the worst thing that you could get involved with! They were the ones hurting, and inflicting pain on others! They were sure to inflict pain on you if you let them!

If there is one MAJOR lesson in life to learn it is that the DIFFERENT kids, the smart kids, the good kids are the most fun! They will accept you for who you are, not try to change you, or hurt you, or enforce peer pressure. They are generally happy go lucky kids who have interests and will always be ready to do something fun, something that doesn’t involve drugs, and illegal behavior which will only bring you trouble!

Life is so much more fun straight, and doing what it is that you love! If you have a need to get high and escape, you have things you don’t want to deal with. Dorks don’t usually need to do that. So this whole outdated point of view that cool is cool and dorks are dork is whack! That never was the case! If you consider yourself overly cool, you definitely will find yourself in trouble down the road in life because you will make bad choices, bring bad people into your life and go down a road that will do nothing but depress you and waste a lot of precious time!

Next time you see a person totally being mean about someone else, drunk, stoned, or angry, just walk the other way, and know they aren’t happy and they definitely aren’t someone you want to have around. They aren’t cool, they are in pain, and want to inflict it on others.

I cannot believe that our society still thinks being NICE is a weakness and in romantic relationships the guy always runs after what he cannot have, and the girl who is a total bitch! What does that say about him and his evolution up until now? It says he is hurting and wants to be mired in pain forever, and wants to continually punish himself. So ladies, and gents, next time you find yourself on a wild goose chase towards someone who doesn’t treat you with kindness, respect and with love, CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF. You just aren’t ready to date right now because obviously you aren’t seeking out a DORK, you are seeking out a LOSER!

SO listen up, and listen good- DORK IS IN, dork has always been in and don’t settle for someone who thinks they are cool because that usually means a dirty messy life full of violence, drugs, jobs (no career), and a string of bad relationships with bad people and an even more terrible family! RUN TO THE HILLS IRON MAIDEN STYLE!

Remember, get an education, do what it is that you love and you will never need to delve into the filthy underworld of drugs, low self esteem and CHRONIC UNDER ACHIEVEMENT!

With all that being said ALL HAIL THE DORKS YA’LL! and watch “MADE” on MTV and go to www.girlsgoingplaces.com. This am while sewing I watched MADE on MTV and it featured this girl who wanted to learn to wake board. It was fun to watch because she was a sweet girl but felt like an outsider but when she learned to SHRED she became more confident and went on to assert herself and ask out her crush who was a rad wake boarder! She baked cookies for him and had a pet lamb. I love that! I love that she was different enough to have a lamb for a pet, that in my book makes her cool! Why just sit and hang around with a bunch of lame ass kids who think they are cool and waste your life trying to BE LIKE THEM? What a nightmare, if you ask me. She retained her inner dork and became more confident, but thank god she didnt’ try to totally conform to be ordinary! YUCK, that would SUCK!

This weekend I was preparing my belt order for a retail store and I have the television on in the background on channel 5, and I happened upon a super inspiring show that made me proud to be an American. The show is called The Real Winning Edge, and it features teenagers making the right choices and achieving personal accomplishments by pushing through opposition! Thank god, YAH FOX, WAY TO STEP IT UP!

My god, after seeing some New Jersey Housewives Reunion show where the woman was yelling at another woman in her face and then she threw the host off of her and was completely out of her mind– that totally bothered me. I went from being totally inspired and feeling so great to feeling upset. It is not good for one’s physical health to watch shows that promote dysfunction and bad behavior. It elevates your heart rate and damages your cells, and ultimate adds the greater odds of developing dis-ease.

One more thing, wow, Extreme Home Makeover last night, I caught the end, so touching—that is what I want to see! Shows that show people helping one another, shows that teach me a new skill or a new way of looking at something and a show that inspires me to be a better person and make me cry like an abandoned baby on a lonesome highway! ha hah a.. OH MY GOD, one more thing, Friday Night Lights, the episode from May 6th, a real freaking CRY FEST! That show KILLS me!  The theme song, the characters, the kids doing the “right thing.”  Another show making me proud to be an American! Vince is an amazing character this season! I already forgot all about Smash Williams!

Vince is played by Michael V. Jordan and he is extraordinary! He is also in another show I love called Parenthood which has an all star cast- my girl from Gilmore Girls, and Dax Shepard, and the guy from 6 feet under, Peter Krause! They also feature a character, a child who has Asperger’s syndrome in the show.  I love that- demystifies things for the general public about different kids, etc. VERY IMPORTANT.

I have to go, I know this post was poorly written because I am in a hurry, but it features some great shows!

The high I feel when I feel good is unmatchable to any thing in the world and I don’t understand why people are addicted to watching SHIT on television and then making celebrities out of the SHIT!

I recall the first day I saw Teri Bellville walking down the highschool corridor. She had a swagger that read much older than she was and no other girl had that strength,  power and self assurance. She was new to our small country ass school. A school whereby the kids judged harshly, much like any other high school and it was 9th grade for me, and who knew what this beautiful specimen of a girl from Rennsalear would come to mean to me as a friend and person.

I quickly walked up to her and introduced myself because I was sure I wanted to know her and she was grateful I did as she knew no one and this was her first day our nightmare of a school. As much as I enjoyed growing up and finding myself and as social as I was, my high school provided for me lots of strife and misunderstandings and judgements from others less creative than myself.  It was in a rural area chock full of ill educated, angry people who didn’t fulfill their dreams. It was a town full of “ordinary” and I wouldn’t fail to be reminded of how “differently” I dressed all to often. Teri Bellville represented me to me in an odd way. She stuck out too, but she stuck out because she was extraordinarily exotic looking. She was sexy beyond her years, had a walk that most girls didn’t and an attitude to match.

Sandra and Teri — a bond that was formulated upon a uncommon closeness and unconditional loving friendship that would last forever. With Teri Bellville I never was judged, never ridiculed for being creative, and different, and she was never cross or fought with me. There was a silent understanding of complete acceptance that I didn’t experience with any other girl for the rest of my life. Up until today, there is not one friend that I have had for over 20 years that has NEVER tried to make me feel bad, (especially in the high school environment) or created discomfort for me because of their insecurity. Teri was always steadfast and true, never wavering in her acceptance and love for me as a friend and as an individual.  I have truly lost a very dear and special friend.

Today, I am more sad than usual because Teri was found dead on Saturday, May 1, 2011. I have lost a part of me as a result of the death of Teri. She represented to me all that was good in a friend, always- 100% of the time.  How many people can say that? She was funny, kind, smart, and aggressive. Her aggression was the direct consequence of a troubled past and didn’t trust very much as a result.  She was a product of her environment and unfortunately it became who she thought she was because of the way others treated her. Isn’t that the way it is in life? So unfair. People believe that they are who people THINK THEY ARE. She never knew the beauty she had, or the strength, that is the irony of her whole experience here. She was the victim of experiences beyond her control and a result she developed into a person that felt they deserved nothing but misery. I always saw her differently. I couldn’t convince her of her value, as that is the way it is here on earth, if you don’t value your self and demand to be treated with value, you won’t get what you deserve.

Out of tremendous respect for her I will curtail my details and cease to share my knowledge about the people she chose to include into her world, as they were the lucky ones. If only they could see how much love she needed instead of being so insecure themselves meeting her aggression with more aggression… so sad to me. If her aggression was met with love and selflessness and an ability to see beyond themselves and be strong enough to not involve themselves and their insecurity she would be living today.

It takes a strong person to love someone even though that person didn’t feel worthy of love. That is what is important in life.

When people fight, one has to be big enough to step back and see the situation for what it is, and realize that it should never be a WIN LOSE SITUATION, but because people are so self involved and insecure and have a need to win, they can’t step back and look at the situation and see how it is devoid of love and fill that hole with the understanding without feeling like THEY LOST!

People are so fucked up that they don’t have the ability to see the cry for help and love, instead they see a confrontational person, instead of seeing someone in pain they fight back and make a bad situation worse because they don’t want to LOSE, they don’t want to be percieved as weak! WEAK IS the inability to give love when it is sorely required and needed! Isn’t it insane and so totally unfortunate?

Remember, people are showing you how they feel inside about themselves when they act out, are negative, are heavy set, overly thin, a drug addict or unhealthy. Next time you go to judge someone or treat them even worse than they are treating themselves, SHAME ON YOU! Shame on you for being so SMALL and self centered and stupid  for not being able to step up and extend your arms to them as they silently let you know they hurt by their negative behavior! It isn’t YOU, it is THEM. They are in PAIN, they are hurting themselves and the only way they can show you is by unproductive behavior.

Teri Bellville, I knew you, I loved you, and I will never forget you. And thank you Alice for being so great to her and looking after her and caring for her the way you did. She was very lucky to have you in her life…

If you find yourself in an employment position where it is not challenging you or using your skills, or presenting situations that are challenging, such as: aggression and jealousy, or misunderstandings due to the level of mentality of the people that surround you, know that this is a sign that you are not challenging yourself enough.  Please take note and realize that that this metaphorical reminder is there to let you know that you are smarter, have more to offer and need to pay attention to your lack of passion for whatever it is that you are doing or where ever it is that you are working.  Unfortunately, society and the media pressures tell us that we are successful if we are financially solvent. How can that be if we are miserable at the same time?

Why is that other people want to sabotage someone else’s experience at work because they are miserable and unhappy? I want every one to think about this today. In the workplace it can be hard to determine if it is “you” or “them” that is the problem. Work is a precarious environment with different rules than regular life. Since you are being paid to be there, you must adhere to a certain standard that the company has set forth, and many don’t and many get away with it.

Why can’t people accept the differences in each other and not take things so personally? That is the big question here! If you have beef with someone, YOU HAVE BEEF WITH YOURSELF and WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WHERE YOU ARE WORKING! If you have beef with someone else, it is a direct reflection on what you have going on inside of YOU and if you imbibe someone else with bad qualities it is BECAUSE YOU HAVE THOSE QUALITIES IN YOURSELF, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to recognize them in others.
There is no need to go on and on about it, either cut that person out of your life, unfortunately if they are a co-worker, you can’t cut them out, but you will have to mindfully be aware of what you are sending them unconsciously because negative thoughts can be felt and they will have a negative effect on YOU.

If you are dissatisfied in your job, you must heed the sign, and know that you were meant for either DIFFERENT things, or BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS and a job that will allow you to use your strengths! If a manager, superior or boss rejects your wanting more responsibility or to sit on a conference call because you are interested in it and all your work is done, LEAVE! They don’t respect you! If they say to you, “you weren’t hired to do that”. LEAVE, they are myopic, destructively ego driven, insecure and don’t  have the best interest of the company in mind!

I believe everyone can add value in some way, some how, and to stop that and be an asshole to the person wanting to know MORE, is foolhardy, and it is unfortunate and small minded!

Today, I want everyone to realize that just because someone doesn’t wear something we like, or have our style or likes, or dislikes DO NOT DISREGARD THEM! Do not judge them, and do not dispel them. How boring would this world be if EVERYONE liked the SAME THINGS, DRESSED THE SAME WAY, and acted alike? I would go bonkers! What is important is how they treat you, if they respect you and themselves and how the assert their opinions. It should never be a win-lose scenario! If it is, the other person should not be in your life. They will perpetually make you miserable.

What we all need is to realize that no one is born an asshole. No one loves being mean, no one feels great walking away from a fight they just won, unless it is a champion boxer or UFC fighter, since the sport is predicated on winning… but you get what I am saying, MAKE NICE COOL Goddammit! MAKE NICE NECESSARY, MAKE NICE INTERESTING, because it isn’t awesome to make someone else feel small and insignificant. What is great is to elevate someone, praise them, and point out their best qualities. Watch what magic happens as a result! Your health will improve, you will feel instantly calm, happy, and fulfilled- NO MONEY REQUIRED!

Wake up World… WAKE UP  I SAY!