Assistant Clinical Professor: Harvard Medical School, Humanist and Award-Winning Author.

Are you one of those people who have been looking for love in all the wrong places? Or perhaps you are someone who has found love, only to find that it fizzles out faster than a lit match in the spring rain? Have you genuinely tried your best to leave behind your pattern of unfulfilling relationships, only to find that you keep on going back to them, again and again?

Dr. Srini Pillay will spend an evening with us to unravel the mysteries of love and help us make wiser more informed choices about the loving relationships in our lives. He will address the following questions with cutting-edge scientific answers:

1. Why do so many people look for love in all the wrong places? What can you do about this?
2. Why you end up doing all the wrong things in love despite your best intentions? How can you change this?
3. Why does loving someone else require that you love yourself first? How can you achieve without the hype of a contemporary tabloid?
4. Why do you repeat your destructive patterns of falling in love? How can you escape these patterns?
5. Why does love become so boring so quickly? What can you do to lead a more sustainable fulfilling romantic life?

Join us for a special evening as Dr. Pillay shares how brain science elucidates five common challenges in romantic relationships, and how this science can help us lead more fulfilling lives. He writes frequently for Huffington Post, Psychology Today, and has been interviewed on this subject by Oprah Radio, Martha Stewart Whole Living, NPR and Fox News.

Dr. Srini Pillay is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, invited faculty at Harvard Business School and an internationally-regarded expert on stress, anxiety and the way in which they impact our lives and relationships. He has written three books including the award-winning Life Unlocked: 7 Revolutionary Lessons to Overcome Fear. He is a featured voice on 33voices.com, an online forum featuring visionary thinkers who are helping to reshape our world. Dr. Pillay is also CEO of the NeuroBusiness Group, a company focused on enhancing social intelligence in companies.

To Register: http://www.theacademioflife.com/srinivas_pillay.php

Dr. Pillay will be available for a book-signing following the conversation. Books will be available for purchase at the event.

Love makes us happier but also more miserable than anything else’

Found the Magic One- Wheatgrass Powder...

I am a supplement junkie, meaning I am always searching for the perfect combination for optimal health and energy. I wish I could find a site whereby they would give a stellar combination of  protein shake, b vitamins, diet, work outs, etc. I feel like there are way too many products out there, and each person has a loyalty to some brand, even if its results aren’t unbelievably great!

Is there a web site out there? Even having gone to naturopaths, nutritionists, etc. I find that they give the same ratio and recipes to everyone, much like the physical trainer who just got their certification. These kids who do the same exercises with everyone. There needs to be a personal approach to creating the exact workout/nutrition/supplement program for every individual. Unfortunately, just working out and eating right doesn’t work due to the very poor quality of our food (soil nutrient depletion, pesticides, rapid growth methods, etc).

For energy, I don’t wish to grab for that cup of coffee to get me where I need to be for higher functioning and energetic response. I want to do it all naturally- but haven’t quite figured it out. My favorite place to shop is The Vitamin Shoppe. I get totally lost in there, go out of my mind with excitement and almost wish I worked there so I could know about each supplement and what to recommend for myself and others.

I’ve been doing a mix each am, and at times PM of:

Keto Protein Powder, Algae based Omega Oil, Another oil of dha omega 3s acid something or other, Colostrum, Green Vibrance, and when I remember, benefiber. with organic juice, either pear, apple, blueberry, or cherry (or a combination thereof) with frozen fruit pieces, usually blueberry, strawberry, a fresh banana, cherries)  Seems that this should create some real nutritional benefits, but it’s not kick starting me the way I wish. I am consuming one cup of coffee about an hour or two later.

I wrote the top portion of this yesterday, before I incorporated the wheatgrass powder and blueberry hyaluronic acid liquid. I will also do intermittant drops of Ginseng- I have it down. I wish I could spend all day outdoors doing fun shit, and exercising my arse off. Now that would be THE LIFE… that along with 100 pushups each morning before work… and beat my chest like King Kong BITCH!

Hank Moody is the purest form of tragedy- but without that, there would be no show. He trades dangerous tawdry trysts with low, insecure women  for beauty and serenity with Karen- repeatedly. The whole time he is out there on his own, he is dreaming about Karen.

Karen, hank's mulligan

I sprang from a  lineage of very strong women figures in my life. My mother, who was beautiful, worked hard as a single mother to provide for us and unyielding in her beliefs. My grandmother, who at 80 years old was chopping her own wood and lived alone on a large piece of property with a shotgun next to her bed up until the day she died.  My grandmother was a tough old bird, a naturalist and not too forthcoming with her feelings, but she was a farmer, a survivor and wasn’t afraid to be alone. 

On top of that influence, I had a huge physical father of 6 feet 4, a hardworking carpenter, philosopher, woodsman who was unyielding in his personal standards. From a very young age he drilled into my psyche, “take no shit Sandra.” It was always the way he ended his letters to me, his phone conversations and his over all philosophy in life. He drove a power wagon truck which signified his physicality and his belief system.

I always appreciated the traditional value system he stayed loyal to his entire life. I always admired my mother’s ability to ensure we had what we needed. I have admiration and love for my parents because in them bore me a person always striving to be strong. I would rather be too strong, than weak.

This post is dedicated to Jackie and Nicole- for I see in them a strength I RESPECT and admire.

My morning selection of music today was comprised of: Woman of the World, by Aerosmith and lots of New Order. With each new song, I became more clear about my message. I am greatly disappointed in women’s behavior in how they relate to men. The only reason I can imagine a man feeling free enough to disrespect someone who clearly communicates to them who they are is the direct result of all the women that came before her. They set the bar so fucking low for all others that men get used to “skating by” and doing very little to honor thy woman. So many woman tie up all their worth in their physical appearance, or in sex. This is disturbing to me. Women spend so little time getting to know themselves because they keep jumping from one relationship to another, and conforming to who it is they think will hold that man for the longest possible time. They are also withstanding shitty behavior, selfish sex, and therefore chipping away at their sense of self worth. They stay out of desperation, for all the wrong reasons. They are dishonored, ignored, and most of the time, don’t command any RESPECT.

Too many women are walking around acting dumb, giving it all away, in the name of desperation and neediness. I don’t care who you are, when you go home after having slept with someone, telling yourself, “I just took what was mine.” You are lying. I don’t care who you are as a man, unless you are a complete psychopath with no heart, you can’t feel good about using a total stranger because you are too lazy to masturbate. It is a moral crime to be out there inflicting yourself on others, hunting pitifully for your next victim and women YOU ALLOW it by lowering yourselves because you are so desperate as a result of staying in a loveless marriage for so long, or because you tie up your self worth in your physical body instead of your soul.

This vicious circle will continue as a result of lost souls,  and weak human beings who don’t have enough sense of self to walk away from a situation where you know you are about to feel like shit about yourself. There are tons of scenes in comedies where the men state, “come on this room is rife with insecure  women with no self esteem and we are about to get laid.” I wish I could remember the movie I am referring to. Isn’t it sad that a man would even want to tangle with someone with such low self worth? Isn’t it sad that women have become so desperate that they set the bar low for the strong woman?

Strong women are so few and far between that when a man who has been used to such low standards happens across one, they almost run because they know they are going to be held responsible for their lowly behavior. A weak woman will let a man run all over her, allow herself to lumped into all the shit that came before her, and accept the proverbial punch in the face repeatedly, all in the name of not loving her self enough to walk away.

I ask you, what kind of man would want to hold onto someone like that?  The answer: The man with no confidence. The man who doesn’t wish to grow and become the honorable man he could be, should be.   The kind of man who would continually make himself and others around him proud is the man that would command my respect, hands down.

There are a few male characters written that convey this type of strength: Spartacus,

So tell me, is the life of conquests — two weak souls inflicting pain on one another noble? Is that really living your life fully? Does it feel good? Seems that the wheel of the weak goes round and round- repetitively- repeating unproductive weak patterns, treating one another and themselves shittily- WHY? Because they never bothered to GROW, to spend time on themselves. Getting to know themselves, working on themselves, and therefore allow others to assault their gross behavior, feeding it back and forth- in the WEAK CIRCLE of shame and disgust.

Seems that most of the world operates such as this, and the more women lower themselves, the worse they make it for everyone. Men need to be held to higher standards of behavior, and if I should encounter it, I blame all the others that came before me because the man obviously got away with that lowly behavior and made the grave mistake of trying it out on me. God help that poor sucker who belies me because back at them will come 100 fold power of everything they did before me to those poor weaker souls.

Women, be strong enough to walk away from behavior that creates in you less than stellar feelings. Heed the signs. Stop falling prey to “cute guys” and keep putting up with SHIT because you are attracted to them, and you are never attracted to anyone. Do yourself a favor, pick up your proverbial sword, bow and arrow, or whatever your mental arsenal consists of and walk away. It will take about 6 of us to school the men who believe it is ok to dishonor someone- then they MIGHT get it and then we can be assured that there will be more great men out there. We need to teach them what is acceptable and what isn’t. The long you stay the more you poison that person and allow them to keep taking and do a lot less giving.

We may be able to have them all trained by 2020, if only you would have enough self esteem to walk away and DEMAND respect. And know that any man willing to let you walk away and to not rise to the occassion is NOT A MAN that is worth ANYTHING at all. They have no self respect, no confidence, and no ability to be noble. There are men out there who dig a strong, sensible woman who asks for what she wants, they have been walked out on by a strong woman. They know. They are hard to find because woman keep lowering themselves and their standards in the name of DESPERATION.

Let a man get to know you, YOU KNOW YOU, and see how much fun it can be having a wonderful relationship based upon discipline, fun, and taking your time.  Wholesome is where it’s at, you have plenty of time to go elsewhere, but honor yourself, and the other person by having enough respect to see them as a person, not a receptacle for your past pain. Do fun things, talk into the night under the stars on a blanket, play some great music, go bowling, eat great food, share your mind with someone, before your body. Your body is your soul and be careful about who you choose to  intertwine your energy with– it is sacred and it is a gift. Everyone slow down, and be appreciated for YOUR mind, your thoughts, your vulnerabilities. Expose your self- it’s much less compromising than “exposing yourself” and humiliating your worth.

 The Noble Man

True noble masculinity or the concept of the noble man or nobleman is one that embraces the masculine. He is a man who does not need the validation of the feminine but understands that the feminine is naturally enthralled by a man who is living for a higher purpose and goal. The noble man is one that understands and is brought to new heights of living by the dance between the two poles of masculine and feminine.

Possessing unequaled social intelligence, he studies human behavior because he knows that everyday and every interaction is a chance to expand and learn about people and to leave every person and every interaction at a higher level. His confidence and social acumen allows him to find what is special in every person and to relate to them and reward them.

The noble man approaches the feeling of fear as a sure sign that he must overcome it, not through reckless abandon but through concerted, concentrated effort knowing that beyond fear is another level of achievement and enlightenment.

He is in control of his sexuality because he understands that women of quality, respect and instinctively understand that a man in control of his sexuality is a man of almost unequaled power and attraction. This does not mean restricted sexuality, it means an awareness and ability to harness this power both for physical sexuality of unparalled passion but also for its use in creative expression.

In summary this website will explore and provide a place for men who sense that the power in being a man is not one to be ashamed of as society portrays it, but one of noble power, immense responsibility, and one that shows the way to true happiness and achievement.

If I could teach every woman something, this is it. Very simple, Know Your Worth…

http://nobleman.wordpress.com/what-is-a-noble-man/

Outer Effects of Inner Self-Confidence

Don’t ever be lonely, learn to love your own company, do not fear being alone, for it teaches you about your self

Don’t ever be tempted to stay in a relationship without total and honest communication

Be a superhero for your SELF

Don’t be afraid of confrontation- for it will reveal what lies hidden

Don’t let other’s pain and mistrust guide you

Don’t become jaded because you have learned that someone else wasn’t honest

Honor Thy Self

Unfortunately, the world isn’t used to people who are true to themselves. They like to label them self-righteous and angry because very few people have sat down and embraced and understood their power, so take the time to do it, please, for your self and the betterment of the world.

Stick to your standards because one day, when  you least expect it, you will hear, “smile, you’re on candid camera, and all this was a big fucking joke- the world isn’t full of weak people..

I walk around my crib as a super hero, playing tunes, being strong, and serving up some bad ass.. one day, a fellow bad ass will pop into my life- love my power and understand he is about to get on a very wild ride of self respect, introspection, fun and total passion. I won’t meet that man until the woman before me COMMAND and DEMAND RESPECT. so please, ladies STEP YOUR SHIT UP. I don’t have forever. For men won’t be so surprised by my strength if others possess it.

The pieces will be rather classic, but have cuts that are more flattering, prints that are more daring, and luxurious fabrics which will feel great next to your skin.
The colors will be of utmost importance as well as saturation degree, as that will be a defining factor in terms of separating myself from enmasse.
Think: American Muscle Cars, Triumph Bikes, Classic Keg Parties in the Woods, Beach Bon Fires, Aerosmith, Boston, Foghat, Soundgarden, Fondue, Microbrewed Beer, Sunsets, City Streets, Surf and Skate Style, Worn in jeans, Ultra soft cotton, Wheat fields, Barbeques, Bare Feet, The 70s, The 60s…

clint eastwood...

Just months ago-- this crazy cat!

Man, busy! My 14.5 year old pug has had to endure emergency eye surgery as of last Friday. I was faced with a decision that had to be made within an hour to preserve her sight, and prevent a hole from forming in her cornea. This was not an easy decision, but I will say the alternative to not agreeing to surgery would be far worse. Roxie happens to be a spry dog for her age. She is tough like Spartacus, yet smaller in stature than her brethren breed. If I hadn’t risked surgery, I would have to have her live in pain every day, with a festering eye, eventually requiring removal- I would presume. What kind of life would she or I have and why would I make her endure endless suffering until the loss of her eye- or worse- death.

When you become a dog owner, you make a firm commitment to them. They are part of your family and require a lot of care, maintenance, and medical care.  Being a dog owner is no joke and I flinch at those who simply buy a puppy because it’s “so cute.” Many don’t know the responsibility a dog poses, yet they airily purchase a cute puppy only to fail miserably in terms of proper care, love, and training.

When I bought Roxie, I made an oath to supply her with the best training, love, and help should she need it, when she needed it. It is a price I pay for her eternal love, devotion and the  joy she brings me each day. I get to marvel at how cute she is, despite her creating war with me over the pills she must take to heal, despite the stress of having to watch her be hampered in her Elizabethan collar to protect her newly surgically enhanced eye, and the pain of knowing that I cannot communicate to her properly that this is all quite temporary, until she is out of the woods in terms of healing.

Owning a dog is a huge responsibility. I cringe at the thought of people who have dogs and are cavalier about their responsibilities to care for their pets properly. If you cannot give them the best possible care, time, energy, love, kindness and medical care, DO NOT BUY ONE. Adore them from afar, go to a dog park to play with other’s dogs, but don’t BUY ONE if you won’t do WHAT YOU MUST to give them what they need. If you cannot afford a dog, DON’T BE SELFISH and buy one because they are cute. They will be forever devoted to you, and if you aren’t 100% devoted to them, which many aren’t, DON’T BUY ONE or ADOPT ONE.

One must really think about what it means to be a dog’s momma or daddy. They aren’t much different from children in terms of their needs, except they can’t communicate orally when they are in discomfort.

Even though I haven’t slept a full night in about 3 weeks, have to con, fight, or war with my baby to get her to take her pills so she will be around, make sure she eats, gets out enough and remains stimulated enough to want to fight through these last 10 days of pills, collar and eyeball graft, I love my baby pug. She is deserving of all this from me, given that she has been by my side through some pretty emotionally challenging times, always with a kiss, a cuddle and happy to see me each and every day.

Thank you Roxie, You are more than worth this effort! I will have no life outside these four walls until we see our 2 week point. Don’t give up on your dog because they would never give up on you.

calm down you fat shits! you will get your burgers!

THE craziest thing happened today when I temporarily parked in the handicap spot in front of Shake Shack, notice the word temporarily!  So there I was driving around the way too small parking lot, circling and being patient waiting for a spot to open up. I noticed NO ONE in line and decided to quickly pull backwards into a handicap spot in front, knowing I would obtain my vibrating tool for notification when my order was ready, go back outside and wait for a spot to open up, and be ready should anyone NEED the spot immediately!

I run up to the cashier and say, “Wow, you guys need to work on getting more parking.” She smiled and was so nice and said, “yes, we are getting more, I am totally sick of people coming in with an attitude and being mean because of the parking situation.” I was very nice about it, then out of the blue comes this woman behind me, in a ball of aggression and anger screaming, “Did you just park in a handicap spot?” I replied, “Yes.” This 68 year old woman flew into a rage I have never quite experienced from a stranger! She started screaming the following comments:

1. Call the cops, Call 911!

2. Get the manager!

3. DO NOT FEED HER!

4. Do not serve her

5. Look at her, she is clearly not handicapped!

6. Look at her! Clearly the world revolves ALL AROUND HER!

7. She thinks she is the only person that matters!

and then others started to chime in, “Get her out of here!”  “Who does she think she is” , “Look at her”, call 911!!  etc.

I turned to her and said, “Shut the fuck up!” I didn’t know what else to say! I was shaking with fear, glad I had on good deodorant and just wanted to get my notification tool and get outside to move my car into an UN HANDICAPPED spot, which was my plan all ALONG! I felt that the vitriol that came my way DID NOT DESERVE AN EXPLANATION OF MY GAME PLAN.. I was thinking wow, IF ONLY I HAD ON MY VIDEO phone so I could youtube this shit- it would have went VIRAL for sure! But I knew I had to get outside to remedy the sitch.  You would have thought by the intense reaction I got that I was sitting outside picking off people with a machine gun! People, the punishment did not fit the VERY TEMPORARY- 3 MINUTE CRIME! Settle the FUCK DOWN!

Imagine if I would have gotten out my phone and began taping her. I already felt in complete danger as I felt she was going to belt me in my face! This was a quite dramatic display of craziness! If she had talked to me like a normal human being, perhaps I wouldn’t have told her to shut the fuck up, and explained my game plan but who do people think they are? Self- titled COPS OR SOME SHIT?

I never park in handicap, and didn’t know people go postal if they see you! People need to take a pill and learn how to express their discontent in a more humane way! and Shake Shack NEEDS TO STEP UP AND GET MORE PARKING to help their employees face much less anger from customers.

Listen to this! http://wbai.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=356&Itemid=135

Armand F. DiMele, R-C.S.W., C.R.C., B.C.D., scientist, clinical, teacher and supervisor, has conducted workshops, lectures, classes and training seminars on Understanding Human Functioning at learning and health care institutions throughout the United States and in Europe. INTRODUCED ME TO ESTHER, on the Postive Mind Radio Show… Get his 3 cd set featuring his very interesting interview with Esther!!!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-perel

http://Estherperel.com/about.html

Psychologist Esther Perel is recognized as one of the world’s most original and insightful voices on couples and sexuality across cultures. Fluent in nine languages, the Belgian native is a celebrated speaker sought around the globe for her expertise in emotional and erotic intelligence, work-life balance, cross-cultural relations, conflict resolution and identity of modern marriage and family. Her best-selling and award-winning book, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic, has been translated into 24 languages.

Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever?
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Can we want what we already have?
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Why does the transition to parenthood so often spell erotic disaster?
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Does good intimacy always make for good sex?

Esther Perel takes on these tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.

In her twenty years of clinical experience, Perel has treated hundreds of couples whose home lives are empty of passion. They describe relationships that are open and loving, yet sexually dull. What is going on?

In this explosively original book, Perel explains that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women. Sexual excitement doesn’t always play by the rules of good citizenship. It is politically incorrect. It thrives on power plays, unfair advantages, and the space between self and other. More exciting, playful, even poetic sex is possible, but first we must kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms.

While Mating in Captivity shows why the domestic realm can feel like a cage, Perel’s take on bedroom dynamics promises to liberate, enchant, and provoke. Flinging the doors open on erotic life and domesticity, she invites us to put the “X” back in sex.