Archive for the ‘Posts by Sandra Oles’ Category
If You Still Aren’t Done With Your Christmas Shopping.. Go To SCOUT Pop Up
I am pretty pumped about my new Scout purchases. Goodbye Vineyard Vines Mini and Medium Tote- YAY! I can’t wait to retire them, so PLAYED OUT! It was the size of the tote that made me carry it. This weekend, I got my ass a different tote that I love so much more.
I also got the tiny little make up bag, and the laptop case! You can wipe it all clean because the fabric is coated… so much better than ivory cotton getting all dirty and the patchwork fraying. Scout is the way to go… practical, strong, cute and affordable!
See the green striped storage bin? Scout! I now use it in my bathroom closet to put all my LADY ITEMS in it so I don’t have to look at a bag of pads and boxes of tampons on my shelf! YUCK! Now it’s never that time of the month because I don’t have to look at them! Go to 136 Washington Street, South Norwalk, Tues. thru Saturday to get Scout Bags and oliver green belts for your last minute holiday shopping!
Exciting New Web Site- TEST YOUR PRODUCTS FOR CHEMICALS! EWG.ORG
I found this today while doing some research on toxicity in skin care. When I tell you Sephora is the house that cancer built, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! Sorry ladies, but the FDA is not regulating chemicals in beauty products! Even if they were, it would be questionable- just think of all the hazardous side effects of prescription medication approved by the FDA.
Anyway, You are Welcome! Use this site to enter in a product to see how DEADLY IT IS or ISN’T!!!
Everyone now knows that breast cancer is DIRECTLY linked to Beauty Products!!! DIRECTLY! 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed, so you better get your shit together and educate yourself, PRONTO!
Relationships
R
Relationships are a lot of work. Often times, people instill too much in others, as in expectations, too much importance and triggers are activated because our first experiences with ”love” come from our parents. It’s not uncommon that we confuse our personal love relationships with our parental “love” relationships. This is detrimental on so many levels.
1. Our unfinished emotions come into play by our perception of how our parents showed love to one another, and to us.
2. We place undo responsibility on our partner to be our “caretaker” or our sense of safety.
What do these mean exactly? When we select our partner, we automatically create unrealistic expecatations from the relationship. Often times the relationship manifests itself as a means with which to project our fears onto our partner. We want them to make us feel safe, happy, and to conform to our standards of what we feel is acceptable in terms of success. When in reality, all those feelings of fear and insecurity are continuously projected onto your partner. This happens when we start pointing fingers at the other person and question their career choices, state of happiness, or if we expect them to behave a certain way.
The only characteristic essential for a flourishing relationship is unconditional love. We are all separate human beings with different interests, talents and independent ways of asserting ourselves in the world. These characteristics are make us “inherently us.” What makes up a person is character, integrity, boundaries and being able to identify our acceptable standards of behavior- for us, personally. Without all these definable qualities, we don’t exist. There has to be things we won’t do, will do, are comfortable doing, and want to accomplish. If we hold ourselves to a belief system that we are firm with we retain our self respect and we also separate ourselves from others- separate not in a spiritual sense, because ancient wisdom teaches us that separation is what causes unrest. I mean separate as in being an individual with a solid set of standards with which they adhere to, therefore substiantiating their existence, energy and personality.
We must leave our parents home in terms of our personal relationships and stop projecting onto our partners the fears we have as a result of our perception of whether or not we were loved adquately, or if our parents created an unsafe environment. Your partner is NOT YOUR PARENT. They are your lover, your soul mate, your boyfriend or girlfriend possessing their own qualities of being.
Everyone’s job in a relationship is to love unconditionally, if you can’t, you don’t belong in a relationship. You cannot handle the responsibility if you cannot separate your past experience with love enough to see this other person as they are and accept them fully as who they are.
Nothing suffocates a love relationship faster than:
feeling the need to be the boss of your partner
feeling like you must control them
feeling that you must teach them about life
feeling that you are responsible for their security, happiness, or making big decisions for them
feeling that you need to change them
Self reliance is paramount when entering in a union with someone else whereby a committment is made. You make a committment to accept them as they are, period. When a relationship is formed based upon need, financial care, and fear, 9 times out of 10 it won’t work. If it does work, it will end eventually because there will be resentment, feeling jailed, and quite often affairs of the heart with someone else.
It is called a romantic relationship for a reason. I believe that a relationship can remain passionate, romantic and exciting, if both parties go in without being co-dependant, without unrealistic expectations and without needing to be “taken care of.” It’s enough to have to survive on your own, without having to worry about making sure your partner is taken care of. If you have children, and the wife’s or husband’s job is to stay at home and that is agreed upon, that is entirely different. I am simply referring to romantic unions with a committment without children and not being married.
Romantic relationships, like children, are a lot of work. They require time, understanding, a lot of misunderstandings, and often times, strife. There doesn’t have to be a lot of strife and if it is happening a lot, you have to sit down and think about what is going wrong.
Take out a piece of paper and note all the things you love about your partner and if they are all external qualities, you better do some self reflection. The only thing that matters is how they treat you, make you feel, and how well they support your emotional being. People often select a partner based upon attraction alone and will put up with a lot of nonsense because they find themselves physically stimulated. This physical attraction will not survive being treated poorly and it may for an amount of time, but your self respect will dwindle. It’s important to select someone who has your back, who loves you in good times and bad times, and who accepts you as you are, and vice versa. You must have the same core values, and be headed in the same direction.
You know the old saying, “show me a hot girl, and i’ll show you someone tired of sleeping with them.” I don’t believe this is because it gets old, I believe it is because all these external factors keep interfering with the relationship. Too much reliance on the other person to feel alright is the main problem. You must feel alright before you enter into a relationship with the responsibility of committment. You can’t make the other person your mommy, your daddy, your therapist, your rock, your main reason for happiness. All these things must come from inside you, and you bring YOU to the relationship fully intact. Self responsibility before relationship responsibility is a must.
If you are seeking someone because you are lonely, learn to be happily alone before you do. If you are seeking someone because you need sex, pleasure your self. If you are seeking someone because everyone will think you are unlovable and undesireable- you care too much about what other people think. If you are seeking someone because they are good looking and have these external “looking good on paper qualities”, you care way too much about what other people think. The bottom line is that THIS IS YOUR LIFE. You need to be loyal to YOU, and you are here for a reason, and that is to learn to be happy, fulfilled and to function at a level whereby you can live with yourself and your decisions. END OF STORY.
You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and to sleep soundly at night and if there is a pang in your stomach, listen to your intution and do what you need to do for you, even if it is to leave your ILLUSION OF SECURITY that this other person supposedly GIVES YOU. You cannot SELL OUT your ability to be truly adored, valued, loved by staying with someone who you inherently know isn’t giving back to you what you give to them. I am not suggesting you give with expectations of something in return, because that never works. Each and every time you will be disappointed if you give with expecatations- expectations set you up for misery, depression, addiction and a whole lot of other problems. Perhaps I should phrase it as so: If you don’t feel like a fucking superstar in the other person’s presence, get the hell out. If you are the constantly the target of their self projection as they assault their unhappiness onto you whereby they are asking you what your plans are for the future, saying, “don’t you want more”, etc. you better think twice about their ability to accept you as their lover and not their child or parent.
We all have parents, we don’t need another one in our relationship. We need to be free to be ourselves, do as we wish, say as we wish as long as we are not intentionally trying to hurt the other person with lashing out, or violence. We need to remain people before we do a “couple.” You cannot lose yourself and your interests when in a relationship because ultimately, if that person ever goes away, you are setting yourself up for a whole lot of heart ache, fear and potentially being heartbroken way too long. Life isn’t forever, we don’t have an infinite amount of time with which to become our happiest and peaceful selves. According to Buddha, peace only happens when we focus on ourselves, and what we need to accomplish for growth. I know the only time I suffer needlessly is when I begin to think about what I wish I had from others, either money, love, attention, or whatever it is that I can give myself. Think on that.
When I focus on me, and being productive, and being kind, without expecting anything in return is truly amazing, and brings me infinite peace. We spend so much of our lives complaining about our partners to others because they have taken this job, or said this or like that, or this music or this activity. We all need to let one another be who we are and love each other for it, and not try to change one another. We all have our own lessons to learn and will learn at our own speed. It’s not up to us to destroy other’s dreams by our own interpretation of whether or not it is attainable for the other person. They will learn if it is or not. We are not to project our fear onto them or our limiting beliefs. Their life presents them with lessons to be learned at their own pace just as yours does.
More freedom is needed for healthy relationships. Freedom to be me, freedom to be you, and we meet in the middle by thoroughly enjoying them for who they are and they enjoy you for who you are. Let people make their own mistakes, and also don’t give unsolicited advice. Always ask if you can give your opinion or if they are interested in your opinion. Otherwise, zip it, have fun and enjoy the other. Stop confusing, stop creating projects, and have great inspiring conversation whereby you both share your thoughts about things, and let there be differences in opinions! There is nothing more boring or nauseating than a controlling person! There is nothing more insane then your partner acting as your parent or manager. These things will kill romance, love and the ability to be truly attracted enough to them to want to have a sexual relationship. If you are participating in a relationship currently where these things are happening and you are still having sex, it won’t last. I guarantee it.
So sorry for the sporadic stream of conscious writing style but this isn’t a magazine and I am not pretending to be a super organized writer. I simply feel inspired to share with you these thoughts.
Just Random Musings on a Rainy December Morning… Believe…
Believe: to have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy, or ability of something
While it’s difficult to remain true to your messages, intuition, and internal guidance, you must. You must also learn to not take other’s opinions or life decisions personally. I always wonder why people (including me) get into, “What did he or she mean by that text, that statement, that email?” It means whatever you deem it to mean. You operate from your own perspective and have your own way of interpreting things and whatever you wish to do with the message, you do.
I choose to just take it for what it is. However, many people talk in riddles and moment to moment the emotion from the messenger can and will change and how you interpret something will change and change. It depends on your mood, confidence, and what is occurring in your life at the moment. We can all question our intentions if we think something to death, but don’t. Flow without expectations, always believe in your ability to come through things with your inner most conviction.
Having read Krishnamurti since the 80s, I believe he has influenced me greatly in the way I percieve and behave. Strong reliance on the self is imperative. We all sequester other’s opinions because we like different perspectives, however, in the end, you must do what is true to your being, or say whatever it is that is true to your being. If you aren’t ‘being” you are not giving the world your presence or gift. (no pun intended).
Working with Dr. Graysonputs me in touch with some of the most innovative minds in science, psychology, ancient wisdom, and philosophy. It is no accident that I am privy to these people, teachings, and writings. Just when I may be thinking of something that has occurred in my life, or in a relationship, I magically get a message in my writing for Henry, or in listening to, doing research for or booking a radio show guest for dialogue with him, or editing material, shooting videos, editing videos, or in conversation with Dr. Grayson.
Look and read messages from people just as they are. Don’t be paranoid, because that is exhausting, just trust in what it is that you feel as you read it, because how you feel is your connection to the moment. Try not to attach too much importance to it because the only thing that is truly important is how you feel about your self, and how you assert that energy in the world. People will say things, and do things all day long, they are fleeting moments of emotion and drive.
The only thing you can do in your life to pursue peace is to stand up for what you believe in, know what it is that you believe in ,and don’t take shit personally. Because everything everyone says or does is their reaction to life given what they are working with in terms of “survival”. They feel they need to do or say whatever it is to survive whatever it is their perception is of what is happening. It never has anything to do with you. Confusing I know– but we all behave with whatever conscious or unconscious mechanisms we have in place to cope.
The best thing you can do is believe that people are better, because once you feel that the world is shit, you spiral. You become depressed, hopeless and reside in victimhood. Believe me when I say, I am of a very angelic heart, however, I will stand my ground, and I will let you know how I feel about right and wrong, MY RIGHT AND WRONG… I always like to say, “there is a fine line between spirituality and being a doormat.” I straddle that line beautifully. It has taken a lot of work… you can retain your light without being overly saccharine and totally boring, trust me. Just believe is what I say, because what you put out there in belief, will more than likely manifest, maybe not immediately, but eventually. If it is belief in a person who keeps failing, keep believing, because the more you believe, the more they will, and the more likely they will have the opportunity to achieve peace and make a difference.
Sit down, fucking breathe, let go, and do what it is you want to do to feel quiet, peaceful, and have your mind to your self. Don’t expend it on others, and expectations. Expend it on yourself- get creative, get pleased that all you are doing is focusing on what you need to accomplish for you to be pleased. Don’t focus on how other’s perceive you, don’t focus on what you need or want from others. Focus on what you want for your self. Whomever makes an appearance in your life will, the quieter you are, the less you do, the more you get.
Scout Pop Up Store SONO, 136 Washington Street- GO GET YOUR SCOUT ON!
SCOUT WINDOW
My talented, and hard working friend Kathleen Olsen has performed a miracle and opened a pop up store all on her own in one week’s time to help you with your holiday shopping! Not only does she have impeccable taste, but the store is GORGEOUS! Scout bags are the only thing I use to transport my belts because they are super pretty, durable and waterproof- AND- hold a lot of weight!
If you want decorative, cheerful storage bins, pretty tote bags, sturdy and stylish coolers with a strap- hip flooring and so so so much more, GO CHECK HER OUT! Because as it’s slated right now, she will only be there thru December’s end! Store hours- Thurs., Friday, Sat. 11-8 and Sunday, Tues and Wed. 12-6.
She is also carrying my cute keyfobs, and will be featuring some of my oliver green belts soon as well!
Park right at the end of Washington, cross the street and go into a wonderland of color and first class- funky and eclectic tastes of Kathleen!
She is open Friday, Saturday, Sunday- GO GET YOUR SCOUT ON GIRL! Go escape, shop and take it all in, COLOR, FUN, and a great sales girl!
Pink Dog House/Mini Bunny Barn
The Vision of Kathleen Olsen
